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  • #5610

    Denaqueenbee
    Participant

    Hello to all and I’m happy to see so many positive results for so many people! Unfortunately, I completed TMS 2 months ago, and it didn’t appear to work, but I still hoped for the delayed reaction. It had helped the horrible pain in my hands instantly, which was awesome, but it didn’t last long after ending TMS. 3 weeks ago, the pain came back as fast as it left, but the worse part, my depression is worse than I have ever experienced in my life. Even scarier, I’m still having trouble thinking right, which seemed to happen 3 weeks into TMS, and just never got better. It could be it wasn’t the TMS, but who knows? I was a bit worried that they didn’t get my thumb to really twitch when they did the mapping and maybe the right area really wasn’t being targeted, but again? I mentioned the thinking problem to the Doctor who was very nice, but he acted like it couldn’t be TMS.

    My money is exhausted, as well as insurance, so I have no idea what to do. I just don’t feel right, making really odd mistakes like I’ve never done before at work. I’m leaving letters off the ends of words when I’m typing, leaving out words, really struggling to even talk with people, the words sometimes just don’t want to come out right. For the first time ever, I felt suicidal a few weeks ago, but I squashed that feeling. Up until then, as a Christian, I knew I couldn’t ever do that, though I had no will to live and just wished the end would come on it’s own. On this day though, I actually had a desire to help it along! It scared me and I’ve felt differently since then, just worse than ever and fear something has happened in my brain that made things worse and I know it’s obvious to my employer, I can’t even fake it anymore.

    I’d be interested in hearing from anyone else that has had somewhat bad outcome, or any feedback? I knew there was chance it wouldn’t work, but I had faith it was going to, it’s just I never knew it could make things worse!

    #5611

    luvmipuppy
    Participant

    Hi Dena,
    I am so sorry you are suffering so much :-( . . .and I completely understand your pain. I’ve been dealing with depression since I’m in my 20’s and now 47 are still fighting this! It IS an exhausting fight I know…but maybe chatting on this forum…with myself and other forum members can help…we can all be there for you and give you some much needed support and encouragement to keep going. I’ve been there too, so many thoughts of giving up…it is hard because there are things that we have to live for, and stinks that depression can steal so much of life’s enjoyment from us. But the rare moments when I do get some relief…is when I say…THAT is the feeling I want to keep fighting for. And I hope you will keep fighting this too.
    I have some things I can share that I’ve tried that sometimes do help. Even if you ever want to chat with me privately, I’d be happy to offer any support I can. And sometimes it can help to have someone there whenever you need to talk. I have found some peace in talking to others who totally get it. Depression is something only WE (those who go through it) truly understand all the thoughts feelings and emotions. And there is definitely a wonderful feeling that comes from being completely understood.
    Prior treatments had worked somewhat here and there…but since 3 years ago hitting my worst bout of depression ever, I have been struggling since that time to find some relief. I too have tried TMS and it’s just close to two weeks now since my last session, and can relate so much of the things you’ve described. It unfortunately had not worked for me either as I had hoped and prayed so much for. I also had some high hopes for some relief with this. I did get a day here or there during the treatment that I felt better, but they had not lasted. It gave me some hope that something positive may be happening…and it would take time. So I will report in again at my 1 and 2 mo points outside of treatment and share what I’ve experienced. But since I felt awful on my last session day…I continued to search for other things to try and have found some things I do help (maybe not sustained relief and consistent relief…but I’ll take anything I can get).
    With regard to memory and concentration…I’ve been there too…and it is ever so frustrating. Top it all off with not sleeping well, and that will contribute to those issues. Something I was told by my GP…(had seen him a few months ago mentioning problems with memory, concentration, severe fatigue and difficultly functioning. He said…those symptoms are very common of those with undertreated depression and he recommended I see another doctor to review the current meds I’m on. After seeing another Psych as he recommended to get another opinion and still not getting anywhere, is when I researched like crazy for depression treatments and found TMS. I cannot say for sure but think what you’re experiencing could partially be due to the severity of your symptoms. I would be happy to share my experiences with you…and some of the things I have tried…(in case they could help) and will be here if you would like to talk anytime. Write in to the forum…or privately (I can give you my email) whichever you are more comfortable with. Please hang in there…we will venture forward together…and will not stop until we BEAT this thing!! And not only will we find a way through this…but we will WIN this fight. I refuse to let this win! I hope you can hold onto some of that faith you’ve taken with u through this and take this journey with me and all of us fighting this. Let me know if there is anything I can do, and whenever you need some support.

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