July 27, 2018 at 3:15 pm #33703
I found this forum yesterday and have been up all night reading every single topic. Altough I have hope it will work some of these posts are terrifying!
I’ve been clinically depressed for 15 years and don’t remember what it feels like to be normal. Once a stay at home Mom with a perfect life suddenly literally overnight my world came crashing down.
No event, no change in my life just woke up to a severe panic attack. I thought I was dying! After countless trips to the ER and every kind of doctor there was I was diagnosed with MDD and Generalized anxiety.
I stopped cooking, cleaning, painting. I checked out of life. Fortunately I was a stay at home mom and didn’t have to work.
Four years later I was a divorced single Mom with one child still at home and forced to go to work. The last six years have been a struggle to maintain a job but luckily I work for a great company and have FMLA, currently I’m on short term disability and TMS is my only hope.
I have to find myself again. I suck at being a Mom. I’m a lousy employee, even when I can get there I am a constant brain fog and the entire day has me on edge waiting to go home so I can get back to bed and cry.
I’ve lost all my friends and can’t stand to be around family because they expect me to snap out of it and laugh at all their stupid jokes while I just want to rip their heads off.
My insurance is paying for almost all of my 36 perscribed treatment otherwise I’d NEVER be able to afford it.
I had hoped to return to work part time after a few weeks but scared the “dip” will drop me down so low I won’t be able to. Im scared my job is going to get sick of me. Im scared my boyfriend will leave me. Im scared I’ll have to live the rest of my life like this. Im scared when my daughter goes to college next year I’ll totally lose it. I know I’m future tripping here but that’s what a depressed mind does.
Main issue is motivation. I can’t get my sorry ass out of bed to face the day. I have zero self confidence because my mind tells me I’m unworthy and useless.
I’ve tried every type of medication/combo etc and have always felt like it was a huge guessing game. I can say the only thing I got outta the meds was a numb feeling.
I’m also a smoker and have read TMS can actually help you quit, anyone have that experience?
Just looking for some encouragement. I haven’t even started yet and I’m losing hope.July 28, 2018 at 6:21 am #33706
I made it through. No one told me this was going to be like childbirth.
I sat in the chair tense waiting for the next painful contraction (pulses). I thought something was physically thomping my head I didn’t understand it was just current. Holy hell thats some current. The tech kept telling me you get used to it… is that really the case? I can’t imagine getting used to it.
I also felt my face grimace each time it started tapping so I felt like it caused me to slightly move, is that a bad thing?
I won’t give up, I’ll find though all 36 treatments it’s my last hope.August 3, 2018 at 12:27 am #33712
I also asked if I could see what the H was tapping my head after my 1st go. Also was quite comfortable as you can consider comfortable by the end. I’d let your tech know about the face grimace part maybe they can make a slight adjustment for you.August 3, 2018 at 3:03 am #33713
I’m getting used to it 5 sessions in. It’s been a very emotional journey for me. Very intense very fast. The tech says that’s a good thing, I on the other hand feel like a train wreck.August 3, 2018 at 10:10 am #33717
Intense it is, you’ve got 5 sessions in hopefully it gets easier. I still can’t imagine getting used to the woodpecker on the head Ha. I’d definitely mention the physical effects to your tech/doc.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.