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  • in reply to: Day 10 tomorrow. I'm in a bad place right now #33671

    colleencasey
    Participant

    savingmyson:

    Does the doctor administer multiple treatments in a day? It might be something to talk with the doctor about as research is now showing a difference in outcomes with depression and suicidal ideation with some patients. Multiple treatments in a day worked for my suicidal ideation when single treatments per day did put my depression in remission. I know it sounds unlikely but these methods have changed and saved my life. Also, research is again showing that in some patients single treatments per day did not work on their MDD but multiple treatments did.
    Might be worth a conversation with your doctor.
    Sending positive thoughts.

    in reply to: Completed 30 treatments of Brainsway TMS #33670

    colleencasey
    Participant

    glosurf:

    I can only speak as a patient who is working with a doctor who is willing to try different ways to administer TMS. (I had my original round of TMS Treatments in 2011 and have 3 booster treatments/year).

    I know several patients whose suicidal thoughts ended with TMS and a few others, including myself, whose suicidal thoughts were not affected by TMS. Quite a paradox – my depression is in remission and still I had suicidal thoughts. My doctor told me about a study being done with TMS and suicidal ideation. During this study, TMS was administered 3 times a day for 5 days in an effort to arrest suicidal thoughts. The results were positive. So, when I had an almost life-ending episode with suicidal ideation this past November, even though I was not depressed, I asked my doctor to administer three treatments in one day to see if it would help. (I had been experiencing suicidal thoughts almost every day of my life. Some of us can be free of depression but yet, experience suicidal thoughts). He agreed and I underwent three treatments in one day and my suicidal thoughts have dissipated. It is almost too amazing to believe. I am free of this burden after 67 years. It may be an issue to talk with the doctor about. My doctor now administers multiple treatments in a day with some of his other patients for depression and is having positive results. There has also been some evidence that multiple treatments in a day were successful for some of those MDD patients that single treatments in a day did not work for.

    Research about TMS, how to administer it, in what dose, how frequent the pulses should be administered, etc., is being conducted daily. New information emerges routinely. You can access some of this info on Google Alerts – Topic – Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. You might want to check out Google Alerts. Also, the site, Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, covers research info on many topics including TMS. Maybe some of this info will be helpful.


    colleencasey
    Participant

    Griffin:
    This is great to hear! Your perspective is helpful too!!! One piece of advice I would give everyone, now that I am into this for several years is, if you start feeling like the depression is creeping back in, don’t hesitate for a moment to get a few booster treatments with doctor’s approval of course. I cannot tell you how helpful 3 treatments a year have been to keeping my remission in tack. It is a minimal effort and expense compared to the initial investment. We are so fortunate to have this option. Several of my TMS friends go for boosters and live a quality of life that would not be possible otherwise.
    Thanks for your kind words. Everyone who contributes here, helps someone else. We are all in this together.
    Stay in touch!
    Colleen

    in reply to: Day 10 tomorrow. I'm in a bad place right now #33634

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi fitz81:
    I am sorry for the challenges with MDD you face each moment right now. It does seem endless and that life will never be different. As a patient with MDD and one who received TMS, I can tell you that you are not alone – not alone in your suffering and not alone in not having a support system outside your doctor’s office. There is a community of us who have similar experiences.
    With that said, TMS is a medical treatment and the road you travel in the next several weeks receiving treatment can have its challenges. However, if this treatment is successful, you will walk out of this darkness. If your treatment provides 100% remission or even a 30 – 50% lift, with (many times) a smaller amount of medication support, life can be lived with optimism and possibilities, energy and engagement. It can be a roller coaster ride as your brain adjusts to the treatment and starts to reactivate. It takes some time, but when this happens, small consistent changes occur over several months which brings you to a better place. It sounds like you have a positive experience with your doctor and that is a plus. I know it may be difficult but it is helpful if you could make one small positive change in your life daily – maybe just take a 5 minute walk, drink one additional glass of water in a day, eat an apple once a day – something that will be healthy for you. You and your TMS treatments are partners in achieving your goal of improving your brain health – just like you would do for any other physical issue like heart disease, etc. You are important, and you are not ascribed a life to doom. It is a matter of finding what treatment works for you. There is constant research and new treatments being developed on a continuum since the brain initiative had been launched several years ago. Check this site out so you can see options and advances in TMS.
    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases
    Stay connected here and let us know how you are doing.
    Sending my best.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Brainsway/Right Side or Left Side #33630

    colleencasey
    Participant

    You are welcome. Ask Brainsway what their protocol is for administering TMS for MDD – that is the diagnosis that the ADA approved TMS for. Not to say that your doctor is doing it incorrectly, just so you have info to discuss with your doctor if it is different from the way your treatment is being administered.
    Good Luck. Keep us posted

    Colleen


    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi Griffin:
    Just want to send hope and optimism for successful treatment.
    Meds are so different for everyone depending on how effective treatment is. TMS can be 100% effective and meds are no longer necessary to maybe TMS is 50% effective so enhanced with minimal meds, it can restore a higher level of functioning and a better quality of life.
    Sending my best for positive results!
    Colleen


    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi tshell:
    Did your relapse happen over a period of time or quickly?

    My doctor told me to call him if I felt that the depression was slipping back in. Usually signs are evident over a period of time. He told me never to let it go past a few days because the quicker I had a few booster treatments the quicker I would be restored to (remission) – my degree of success with treatment. Everyone has a unique response – (this is the way it works for me). I go about once a year; springtime is when I seem to start that fog of depression. I call immediately when I realize it is happening and I have three treatments (now all in one day). I am back to remission in a short period of time. This has worked for 7 years so far.
    Also treatments are now being administered in different ways. Reseaerch is finding multiple treatments in a day is having an effect on some patients who did not respond to one treatment per day. Very interesting. A friend shared this video on TMS so I am passing it along:
    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases
    You may want to talk with your doctor and share the video to see what she/he thinks about it helping.

    Warmly,
    Colleen

    in reply to: Completed 30 treatments of Brainsway TMS #33626

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi Nutella:

    When you had your original treatments, did your doctor tell you that when you noticed that you were feeling a little depressed, to call and get in immediately for a few booster treatments? I had my initial treatments over 7 years ago and my doctor said call him immediately when I was experiencing any kind of sadness so we could assess whether it was depression or a situational sadness. If it is depression the quicker you can undergo a couple of booster treatments the quicker you can recover. I do this and my pattern has been to receive three treatments in spring (either one a day for three consecutive days, or three treatments in one day) when I am feeling that shadow of depression. I recover quickly and am back to remission in a couple of days. It lasts for about a year. I know we are all different and some people go once a month routinely for a treatment, some biweekly, etc. Some people never need any boosters. Knowing your depression cycle is important. Also, I am sharing this video with others because they are now studying a variety of ways to administer TMS which has been helpful to some patients. I found three treatments in one day to be more effective than one treatment for three days.
    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases

    Stay in touch.

    Colleen

    in reply to: Brainsway/Right Side or Left Side #33625

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi denassist:

    I know nothing about Brainsway. I had NeuroStar. I have always had bilateral treatments – left side for depression, right side for ADHD and anxiety. I would call customer service (I assume Brainsway has a number). I would be asking questions because all of the research I have read and spoke with others about, depression is treated on the left side. However, TMS is being studied with fluidity in administering treatments.
    Here is a video that updates what some TMS research is focusing on. I hope it is helpful. I found it hopeful and fascinating.

    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases

    I did not notice changes until after treatment ended and it has been life-changing.
    Sending hope,
    Colleen

    in reply to: Please help, Im on a hellish emotional roller coaster #33613

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Okay, email me at colleencasey254@gmail.com and we can arrange a time.

    Thanks
    Colleen

    in reply to: Please help, Im on a hellish emotional roller coaster #33609

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi g
    Just got off the phone with another patient who is struggling. We exchanged emails and then set up a phone call. Would you like to connect that way? If so I will include my email address on my next post. Email me and then we can possibly connect via phone. Let me know if this plan works.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Please help, Im on a hellish emotional roller coaster #33604

    colleencasey
    Participant

    g,
    To help calm your fears, there is no scientific evidence that supports that TMS can make patients worse. There may be no improvement in some patients’ depression, but not a decline. With that said, I feel like you are describing my journey. I say that to assure you that you are not alone in your response to treatments. At the 10th treatment I felt so horrible I almost quit and if it wasn’t for my doctor believing so strongly in the treatment, I would have. I was one hell of a mess at two weeks out, having re-occurring memories of my childhood abuse, emotions that were so unstable, worse depression than when I started and a fear that ran so deep I just want to bang my head against a brick wall to make it all stop. It is a difficult journey for some of us g. Try and remember you are going through a medical procedure – no one knows how difficult that may be for each individual patient. My dip was so bad I thought I was getting worse and going insane at the same time. At two weeks my doctor remapped and the memories subsided because the configurations were ever so slightly different, but it made all the difference in stopping the memories. It was scary. I thought my brain would never return to even the place I was before I started TMS. I thought I agreed to permanent brain damage. Today however, I am in remission and off all medication. I go once a year for three booster treatments and my life for the past 7 1/2 years has been depression free. I would face it all again if I had or ever have to, in order to achieve the quality of life, the clarity in thinking and the positive, enjoyable experiences I have each day.
    My doctor and treatment team were/are wonderful and offered as much support and information that I needed And at times it was a lot. They are the source of expertise. My doctor and treater guided me through this experience with belief and conviction. Keep connected with them – I do hope they are of the quality and offer the professionalism you deserve. It helps too to listen to positive lectures, to eat as healthy as you can, journal if it helps, whet ever you can muster up the energy to do that is positive. Stay connected to support systems even if there are only a few.
    Stay connected to this site. You deserve to feel as good as possible. This takes work, commitment, courage and blind faith and if you have dealt with depression, you have all of those qualities. I hope this helps and if you need more support, just ask. That is what we are here for. Sending supportive hugs and positive vibes!
    Colleen
    g do you know what company made the TMS treatment machine your doctor uses? Mine is NeuroStar.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  colleencasey.
    in reply to: Please help, Im on a hellish emotional roller coaster #33601

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Yes I have glosurf! I run a daycare and the kids will be arriving soon so I will get back to you either at nap time or tonight.
    Meanwhile just know that some of us have had this experience. If you have sunshine where you are try to enjoy and take peace in knowing you are not alone.
    I am in remission so I would go through it again to get to where I am.
    Back to you a bit later.

    Colleen

    in reply to: TMS for Episodic Anxiety/Depression #33596

    colleencasey
    Participant

    That sounds fine. I will email you and we can set up a time to talk. 🙂

    in reply to: Feeling worse during the beginning #33574

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hello forevermom, Courty140 and weezay65:

    I am a patient who had NeuroStar TMS 7 1/2 years ago. It seems like from your posts you all have shared experiences with the “dip” or the Rollercoaster Effect (first time I have heard that term). You are undergoing a medical treatment and it can be challenging to say the least. Throughout treatment if you can support each other and try to stay as positive as possible the new research is showing that it may help with the outcome. There is an update on TMS research video that I will include the website of below. The information is fascinating and it may help you with some of your concerns. I go for booster treatments once a year and now am using an updated adminstration technique of having three treatments in one day for only one day and I am back to remission. Stay connected and let us know how your are doing. Sending support and hope to you all.
    Colleen
    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases

    in reply to: New Shrink with a Big Head #33569

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lajp and Eric99:

    Please watch this video on the most updated ways TMS is being used. It is not traditional because TMS is an ongoing study of how to use it most effectively. I had three treatments in one day and the results were astounding.

    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases
    Wish I had time to write more. Please keep us posted.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Completely relapsed after about 25 sessions #33568

    colleencasey
    Participant

    badhealther:

    Please watch the podcast I will include here. There are a variety of ways that TMS is now being administered. The presenting doctor on this podcast may have some suggestions (you could discuss with your doctor) as they study multiple treatments in one day to patients with major resistant depression. I have undergone three treatments in a single day and the results have been positive and fascinating.

    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases

    I hope this is helpful.
    Colleen

    in reply to: TMS for Episodic Anxiety/Depression #33567

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Courtney:

    Of course, as you say, having contact with your own doctor first is imperative. Also I am going to share the same website I just shared with someone else with a different problem. This is a podcast from the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation – the presenting doctor is an expert in the field of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. You may want to google the doctor’s name, to have resources in addition to this site, and contact him. The reason why I suggest this is, as you will see from the podcast, that research is progressing rapidly in the field of TMS and there may be information that would be helpful to you based on his research.

    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases
    I hope this is helpful. Good Luck and keep us posted.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Seizure, then stop TMS while in "the Dip" #33566

    colleencasey
    Participant

    tmsmom:

    I was listening to this podcast from the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation (you may want to check out the site) after reading your post and thought you might be interested. It is about an hour long but near the end the doctor does address the issue of seizures during treatment. I hope it is helpful.

    https://www.bbrfoundation.org/event/whats-new-tms-depression-and-other-brain-diseases

    I can’t imagine your battle as a mom to try and support and help your daughter through this neurobiological disorder. I would try and contact the doctor who does the presentation for information on the seizure and dip issues in addition to any other info you want. Google his name – there should be sites with his email or location. Go right to the source and explain your situation. The doctor may have additional information that may be helpful. Make as many contacts as possible until you get to speak with him or a colleague and don’t get off the phone or email until they give you another contact if they can’t help. Research is abundant now and it is only a matter of time until there is a deeper understanding of the brain and additional treatments. Let us know how you both are doing.
    Colleen

    in reply to: When Did you Experience Dip? #33562

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Badhealther:

    Sorry to hear that TMS did not work for you and that you are dealing with the challenges you identify. I hope you find a treatment that is effective for you.

    I did have NeuroStar TMS Treatment and it did work for me and has changed my life in a positive way.

    There are a few questions that I wonder about with your treatment because there is no clinical evidence that these treatments make depression worse. It is sad that this treatment is not effective for everyone. That is the case for most medical treatments – they work for some but not all.

    Did your doctor inform you that this is a treatment that does not work for everyone?

    What type of machine was used to administer your treatments, as contact at the treatment site is critical to administer the correct dose (that should have been determined ahead of time)? Contact percentage varies from machine to machine.

    There is constant brain research being conducted world-wide. There are new treatments being developed on a continuum that are bringing hope and relief to more and more of us who are dealing with the challenges of MDD.

    Sending hopeful thoughts for recovery.

    Colleen

    in reply to: Completely relapsed after about 25 sessions #33561

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Badhealther:

    Sorry to hear that TMS did not work for you and that you are dealing with the challenges you identify. I hope you find a treatment that is effective for you.

    I did have NeuroStar TMS Treatment and it did work for me and has changed my life in a positive way.

    There are a few questions that I wonder about with your treatment because there is no clinical evidence that these treatments make depression worse. It is sad that this treatment is not effective for everyone. That is the case for most medical treatments – they work for some but not all.

    Did your doctor inform you that this is a treatment that does not work for everyone?

    What type of machine was used to administer your treatments, as contact at the treatment site is critical to administer the correct dose (that should have been determined ahead of time)? Contact percentage varies from machine to machine.

    There is constant brain research being conducted world-wide. There are new treatments being developed on a continuum that are bringing hope and relief to more and more of us who are dealing with the challenges of MDD.

    Sending hopeful thoughts for recovery.

    Colleen

    in reply to: The effects don't seem to be lasting #33560

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Badhealther:

    Sorry to hear that TMS did not work for you and that you are dealing with the challenges you identify. I hope you find a treatment that is effective for you.

    I did have NeuroStar TMS Treatment and it did work for me and has changed my life in a positive way.

    There are a few questions that I wonder about with your treatment because there is no clinical evidence that these treatments make depression worse. It is sad that this treatment is not effective for everyone. That is the case for most medical treatments – they work for some but not all.

    Did your doctor inform you that this is a treatment that does not work for everyone?

    What type of machine was used to administer your treatments, as contact at the treatment site is critical to administer the correct dose (that should have been determined ahead of time)? Contact percentage varies from machine to machine.

    There is constant brain research being conducted world-wide. There are new treatments being developed on a continuum that are bringing hope and relief to more and more of us who are dealing with the challenges of MDD.

    Sending hopeful thoughts for recovery.

    Colleen

    in reply to: TMS ineffective for me #33559

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Badhealther:

    Sorry to hear that TMS did not work for you and that you are dealing with the challenges you identify. I hope you find a treatment that is effective for you.

    I did have NeuroStar TMS Treatment and it did work for me and has changed my life in a positive way.

    There are a few questions that I wonder about with your treatment because there is no clinical evidence that these treatments make depression worse. It is sad that this treatment is not effective for everyone. That is the case for most medical treatments – they work for some but not all.

    Did your doctor inform you that this is a treatment that does not work for everyone?

    What type of machine was used to administer your treatments, as contact at the treatment site is critical to administer the correct dose (that should have been determined ahead of time)? Contact percentage varies from machine to machine.

    There is constant brain research being conducted world-wide. There are new treatments being developed on a continuum that are bringing hope and relief to more and more of us who are dealing with the challenges of MDD.

    Sending hopeful thoughts for recovery.

    Colleen

    in reply to: Wife's First Treatment #33489

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Eric99:
    How are you and your wife making out? What has happened with the course of treatments?
    I am hoping things are working out. Thinking about you both.

    Colleen

    in reply to: 12th treatment #33488

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi jnw:

    Two weeks in is when I went through the “dip” which may be what you are experiencing. Staying connected with your Dr. and Treatment Team is important, letting them know along the treatment path what you are experiencing. They are the ones who can assess what is happening with you individually. I did not notice a change in my depression until after treatment was over and it has been life changing. Treatment is a roller coaster ride for many being treated. The brain needs to adjust, settle down and do its work after treatment begins. It is not a quick process for most. There are some who notice a lift in a couple of weeks but response time can begin well after treatment ends. Use as many support systems as you can to get through this low so that you can persist through treatment. There is no definitive as to when treatment results can be evaluated. One step, one day at a time. Statistically no medical treatment is effective for 100% of patients. This is your journey. Sending strength.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Wife's First Treatment #31310

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi Eric99:
    You are welcome. It is great that you are supportive of your wife. Depression is a challenge for everyone. It truly is a family issue. Take care of yourself too.
    How are things progressing? Thinking of you all. Sending my best to you all.

    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31292

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lap –
    I don’t know about you but I was so tired from treatments, I felt the way you describe. I didn’t notice improvement until treatment ended. May be part of that was the sedating affect I felt after each treatment. I am sorry you had to give up your course; however, if this is best for you right now, give yourself some positives for knowing yourself that well and making that choice. It sounds like nothing seems bright right now. That may not last after treatment so hold on – you have come so far. How many weeks did you go initially for the 5 treatments a week before tapering starts?
    Colleen

    in reply to: Wife's First Treatment #31290

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi Eric99:
    Welcome to this forum. Wow your wife and you have a lot going on – depression is so complicated. I cannot address issues regarding Ketamine. I have no experience with it. What I would say generically is that if your doctor is the one recommending treatment or treatment combinations, and she/he has the experience administering those treatments, then it probably goes without saying (and you and your wife have probably already done this) an honest conversation with your doctor is where experience with a multitude of patients can be drawn from, (from a professional perspective). As members of this forum, each person can offer their perspective and experiences as a patient. The most difficult part of these new treatments is the individualization of each response and experience. This is sometimes levied to options, risks, decisions and then blind faith. No matter what the outcome of this is, please know that there are a number of new treatments undergoing clinical trials as scientific research continues its march towards understanding depression and creating more effective treatments. I have had success with TMS and am grateful each day.
    A couple of points about TMS – this treatment restores the brain closest to its natural functioning state by creating movement in the brain. Medication works such that it moves the brain’s response away from natural functioning. So if your doctor is recommending it, there is good scientific reason. I have never heard the dip is avoidable simply because there is no clear understanding yet as to why it happens. It can be mild and it can be deep – what is important to remember is it is TEMPORARY. So as a team just maintain – and use your support systems should it occur – you will both get through it. TMS is a medical treatment and you should afford yourselves every resource to assist you both in getting through it. It can have challenges but also benefits that could far out way them. And it is not bad all of the time.
    Also, TMS can be administered bilaterally if your doctor feels it is advantageous. Left side of the brain for depression. Right side for anxiety. You might want to inquire.
    Don’t give up this treatment unless your doctor suggests so. This can be life altering and life saving and the six weeks will be minimal compared to the outcome when successful.
    Hope this is helpful. Sending support and my best.
    Colleen

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  colleencasey.
    in reply to: Doubts about (unorthodox?) magnetic setting/threshold. #31277

    colleencasey
    Participant

    This info may help explain the Motor Threshold figures (using the movement of the thumb as an identifying marker).

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11274657

    Hope this is helpful.

    Colleen

    in reply to: Just need a little hand holding #31276

    colleencasey
    Participant

    patjrvj:
    Yes hold on to that as this can be a roller coaster of feelings, emotions, thoughts and behavior as your brain adjusts. Its so hard to visualize what we are actually experiencing throughout treatment and the unknown of each day and each treatment can be cause, (if we let it) for projecting the outcome. We just aren’t going to know for weeks. More challenges for sure but we have an inner strength regarding a desire to manage this illness and feel better that will carry us. Touch that strength inside; its there.
    Thanks for staying in touch. My best,
    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31275

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi loki:
    Hug the dog! That is great you have a pet. Yes I was very tired after treatments which would have been fine but I had my treatments at night and I had to drive two hours to threatment and back home. I always had to stop and rest during the return trip. So hang in there. It should be temporary during treatment. It’s worth the inconvenience in the long run! Thanks for posting. Support is an important part of this.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31274

    colleencasey
    Participant

    patjvj:
    It is always good to hear about a positive mindset and the support of a positive, caring technician. It takes a team effort to get through this treatment sometimes. It’s great that the doctor is encouraging positive and warm and fuzzy movies and shows during treatment. It supports the work the TMS is doing in the brain. Thanks for sharing as you proceed through treatment in order to help others. Sending appreciation and support!
    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31273

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lajp

    You are authentic – And you are your true self inside. No one can take that from you. When depressed, however, we can sometimes not listen to “us” because we aren’t confident enough, or haven’t trusted ourselves. We do sometimes respond differently to different situations and people. And then sometimes feel we didn’t respond the way we really wanted to. And that can feel like we were not true to ourselves. The positive here is that most TMS patients report after successful treatment an improved clarity in thinking. (Some medical students started using TMS before exams because of this feature and improvements in memory. It was in the paper a couple of years ago).
    With that said, I will tell you what my psychiatrist who is also my therapist says about staying true to yourself – Keep repeating “I know what I know.” Period! I didn’t get it at first because not only was I confused but I had disassociated personality disorder in addition to MDD and ADHD. So trusting myself was trusting a different person each time on the inside until my work with integration was successful. If you don’t listen to that gut response now, just try to start tuning in. TMS cannot change that at all. TMS is like pulsing energy into the brain. Jump starting what is taking a nap so to speak. But your gut response is something that is there in your being. It is a communication center for you to accomplish exactly what you want – being yourself. We just have to listen to it.
    Self-harm is it’s own issue. When TMS starts to work and depression starts to lift other issues that were buried by the depression may surface. It is a good thing, but does require work to figure out what you are getting out of harming yourself. I felt so unloved it was my way of feeling something so I could live. It sounds like a theraputic issue. I found it helpful to read about self-harm – a little at a time so that I understood its purpose in my life. The more I dealt with it in therapy, the more I learned and the more I became open to sharing my thoughts and feelings in therapy, eventually the less I needed to self-harm. It does very rarely get intense for a day or two, but I know how to manage those issues now. I hope this is helpful. It truly is something you can manage if you understand its purpose. I feel confident understanding why I resorted to self-harm. It wasn’t a plan. It just happened one day.
    We are all so much more capable than we realize because we are all managing this devastating condition. Be proud of what you have done, what you are doing and recognize the courage it is taking to to. Sending my best.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Just need a little hand holding #31264

    colleencasey
    Participant

    patjrvj:
    Here is the good news. That ‘something’ that is happening in your brain, often does not stop when treatment is over. Many times things improve over a several month period – often slow and steady.
    If you go through ups and downs, try not to read into it because the TMS Treatment process for some may be smoother and less interruptive and for others, quite challenging – but it is short lived no matter what the process has in store for your.
    Because this is a brain disorder, you have done nothing to feel shameful about (easier said than done) because no one can fix a brain disorder without a medical, medication and/or or theraputic intervention of some sort. It’s a medical condition. Don’t hurt yourself over this because you are already suffering. There are valuable lessons that you may become aware of after treatment outcomes are apparent, regarding your depression. It’s a horrible challenge living with depression, but great insight into life and living a more quality life may be an unexpected gift. Self compassion is very healing for sadness and shame. Maybe those could be a couple of issues to work out in a theraputic session. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Sending my best for your self compassion, understanding and persistence.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31263

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lajp:
    You are welcome. Simply paying it forward as I have received so much support, encouragement and help from my psychiatrist, treatment team and friends and colleagues.
    I felt the second week and after that the Treatments were like taking a valium, and I have never had a valium. I experienced deep relaxation and exhaustion right after also. It makes it tough to get the energy together sometimes to get to the next treatment. And it persists sometimes throughout the next days too.
    There may be a heightened sense of your feelings, urges, etc., as your brain adjusts to the stimulation, but you made it without self-harming right? That’s a big plus! Emotions are all over the place. One minute you might feel good, the next not so much. This is a medical procedure and there aren’t too many medical procedures that are easy or even comfortable to go through. So you are definitely being challenged with this procedure. However, it is important to remember it is temporary. This will not go on forever – thank goodness.
    Okay so the dip – it can be rough getting through that part. But again support systems and gentle self care can be very helpful. It is a normal effect of the procedure for some patients. It can be scary, exhausting, discouraging too – but the positive note is that the dip is shown to be temporary. It can test your patience and positivity, but it’s temporary.
    This will subside and the outcome will be determined. Just remember it is not so clear for everyone immediately whether treatment is effective. The more positive and optimistic thoughts you can manage (and I know that is asking a lot under the circumstances) the better you may feel. Remember the word – TEMPORARY.
    Feeling lost when your brain is undergoing this burst of energy from TMS can be tough. Your brain is trying to adapt and then figure out what neuro connectors go into what receptors. That’s a lot of work you are doing there!
    Try not to project as challenging as that may be and accept all the support and love offered to you. You deserve it.
    If this treatment works, you will look back at this experience and be grateful for every up and down you went through because your life may be so different. Blind faith at this point, blind faith and persistence.
    You do have this! There is knowledge deep inside that drives you each day that won’t let you give up! It’s called courage, strength and wisdom.
    Hugs
    Colleen

    in reply to: Just need a little hand holding #31262

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Back at you tonight!!! Great news!! Whooaaa.

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31261

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lajp:

    You hang in there. I will be back at ya a bit later but till I can write a little more, know what you are going through is common. I self-harmed too so we have things in common. School etc. Sending a message of “you are not alone and you will make it through this”. I needed a lot of support when I couldn’t understand the process – it was confusing. I will write tonight (my time zone). You are stronger than you feel. Feelings are temporary. Back at you soon.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Come So Far; But Still a Long Way to Go #31254

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi lajp:
    Six weeks of treatment is a long time. I think many people get to a point where they want to take a break or even stop treatment. I did and my doctor and I had a heart to heart discussion about feelings, brain changes, the TMS process, etc.
    Your doctor and treatment team would be able to give you the best advice for consistency with treatment and whether a break is advantageous.. I have been told that a break at the initial treatment course could negatively affect outcome, but I am just a patient.
    If you are feeling better, and your treatment cycle has not been complete, it may be like taking an antibiotic – some people stop when they start feeling better not at the end of medication and then the illness comes back.
    Hang in there – the end results will be well worth it if you are already starting to feel better.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Just need a little hand holding #31251

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi patjrvj:

    The depression fight is challenging and tough for sure. And when you have fought for a long period of it is exhausting. The good thing is that TMS and other technologies and understanding the brain are on the forefront of scientific research. Day 6 is early in treatment. May be you could do some simple things for yourself in the next couple of days – long hot bath, watching a favorite movie, etc., just for a momentary reprieve from the efforts to manage your depression. I know it is so difficult. You are doing what you can especially undergoing TMS treatment. It becomes a day by day waiting game to see if it works. Please know that this is a battle worth fighting with periodic rest periods. The outcome may be more than you could have imagined. You’ve got this!
    Sending support and strength.
    Colleen

    in reply to: I Can't Remember If This Topic Listed… #31243

    colleencasey
    Participant

    lajp:
    My doctor said that he has observed memory improvement in the patients he has treated. He is only one doctor though.
    I found this article from a study at Northwestern University and pulled a couple of quotes below. The entire article is at this website. Hope this may be helpful.

    newatlas.com/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation-tms-memory-boost/33612/
    Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) improved the memory of participants in a Northwestern University study
    “The results showed that brain stimulation led to better performance on the memory tests, with it taking three days of stimulation before the improvements occurred.”
    Good Luck with treatment.
    Colleen

    in reply to: First TMS Appointment (Post-Consultation) #31242

    colleencasey
    Participant

    jrb:
    That is good news! Glad you are feeling relief. Sending positive thoughts and support.
    Colleen

    in reply to: New to Forum, so many questions…………… #31241

    colleencasey
    Participant

    patjrvj:
    It is encouraging to hear of your bravery. Depression is horrible. I am going to be 67 soon and had TMS at 60. Because I had a positive outcome the last 7 years my depression has been in remission and life is so very different – it is positive and life’s challenges are manageable.
    It’s early in your treatment cycle – people see positive results at different stages during treatment. Sometimes it occurs immediately, sometimes in the middle, sometimes in the end and sometimes not until after treatment ends.
    Sending optimistic thoughts your way. Your commitment to “stick it out” will be a strong advantage.
    Thanks for posting.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Week Three #31235

    colleencasey
    Participant

    So to continue: How insightful your statement is! “I have noticed that a lot of what I thought was objective facts about my life turns out to be projection of my inner depression thoughts and feelings.” Yes, clarity in thinking is one of the most reported effects of TMS. Interesting isn’t it. So watch for more indications of advanced clarity in thinking. It is a good sign.
    Your doctor being hopeful is positive. My TMS coordinator, who is an angel from above, was telling me that they treated a patient, a young man whom she did not identify, (they are a very professional treatment team) and after six weeks and then 3 weeks of tapers, it did not appear TMS worked for him. He moved to a thriving city and they had not seen or heard from him for 6 months. He returned for a surprise visit, 100 lbs lighter, laughing, working at a dream job and he had a girlfriend – none of which he was engaged in before TMS. It had worked – it just took longer for the neurological changes to become effective.
    Again your last paragraph is a window into your realization about taking care of yourself. If you are having these thoughts and haven’t before this, be patient because at one moment you just may act on those thoughts. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself. An eclectic approach to depression is probably the most effective – lots of self-care with exercise, eating right, connecting, quiet time, etc., etc. Step by step, one moment at a time, one day at a time. You are strong and courageous; remember those are your gifts too. It sounds like you have a fire burning within you to manage this depression. It tough, it’s a rocky road but one that is achievable.
    Just for FYI – Neurostar has just adjusted their machines to accommodate shorter treatment times – I think its about 17 minutes. I was told that they shortened the rest time in between pulses, so it may not be an issue with Brainsway treatment time. I asked a lot of questions when I was confused or concerned even when I felt insecure about my questions. Hope you have a great treatment team.
    You are more than welcome for the info. I am just paying it forward as I have been helped so much. Sending lots of support and encouragement.
    Colleen

    in reply to: Week Three #31231

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi jrb:

    Nice to hear from you. Wow you bring up so many great issues! I am going to address them one at a time. First I do want to say though that I can relate to the process of experiencing feeling small brighter moments and then small dark ones, then, feeling brighter again after treatment ended. It was a progressive process gaining a little bit each week over a 9-month period so that by the end of 9 months I was in complete remission from depression. My psychiatrist, who also underwent TMS, reported the same type of response. When our brains undergo TMS, the changes are on a continuum after treatment ends. When TMS is successful most often the neurological changes don’t end with treatment. So hope is abundant! My plan of after care was slowly removing medication, continued therapy sessions, and, if needed, booster treatments. (Not everyone needs boosters according to my doctor, (he has not needed them and many of his patients are the same. Not everyone becomes med free but many times there is a reduction of meds). I had treatments at 60 and had never experienced life not depressed so after treatments ended I didn’t know what normal sadness was as opposed to sadness from depression. At first when I was sad, I panicked and thought it was depression. It took a while for me to become comfortable with the normal ups and downs of life. 1 ½ years after initial treatment I did start to become depressed but I didn’t realize it immediately it was so gradual. Once I did my doctor said to come in for three booster treatments to see if that would restore remission. And it did. He said that the quicker one can recognize the symptoms and receive boosters the few treatments are needed in some patients. I know some patients who receive boosters once a week to once a month and others who will have a second full course of treatments. I will post this and then will continue as I almost lost this writing!)

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by  colleencasey.
    in reply to: First TMS Appointment (Post-Consultation) #31228

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Thank you for responding Diana:
    I went back and have re-read our posts several times. First I should have made clearer that the post you are referring to was a generic post to everyone. So the comments were not made directly in response to yours. I am sorry that was not clearer. When I respond to one person individually I put their name at the top – but you never would have known that – our conversation brings to light that issue so I thank you for your thoughts and clarity. What happened was I had read several posts on several threads and was seeing some similar patterns that patients might be measuring their experiences against others and sometimes this can lead to misinterpretation of what an individual is going through and then discouragement. I was addressing that generic issue. When I wrote that post I was directing it to that issue and those who thought maybe their treatment wasn’t going the way it should. Sharing is the best way of gathering support, identifying similarities, raising questions, etc., and by no means did I mean to undermine that process or anyone’s participation in it. I value that and found it helpful in other arenas when I underwent treatment (TMS + You wasn’t available yet). You have enlightened me about what I need to make clearer when I respond and I apologize to you and appreciate your honesty.
    Colleen

    in reply to: First TMS Appointment (Post-Consultation) #31225

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Diana:
    First let me apologize for any hurt or negative feelings that you have in response to my post. That is not my intent at all, especially given the battle and challenges you and everyone else is waging against depression. I was trying to say that everyone’s journey is different so if someone experiences a lift at 2 weeks and someone else hasn’t experienced it at 4 weeks, that it doesn’t mean treatment isn’t working. That is all I meant and again I apologize for creating any misunderstanding of that point. I truly hope you don’t leave the forum as you are such a positive, supportive contributor. If you would like to talk in person so I can clarify, I would be very willing to do that. Again I apologize with sincerity and remorse for misstating my intent.
    Best,
    Colleen

    in reply to: Week Three #31223

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi jrb:
    Sorry its taken this long to respond.
    How are you doing now? How are you feeling? I would love to hear from you and catch up on your treatments and your response to them.
    Sending good thoughts,
    Colleen

    in reply to: Feeling worse during the beginning #31222

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi whocares: I read your post and am wondering how you are doing? Are you continuing with treatment?
    Please let us know.
    Colleen

    in reply to: How much TMS is too much? #31221

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Hi sarae:
    I have been taken off all my medications, slowly after TMS, and have been medication free for the 7 years since my initial treatment course. I was on $20,000 of medication a year. I think because we are all different, our doctors have different experiences too! So many variables with patients and the treatment. Your thoughts of consulting with your prescribing doctor and the TMS doctor if different to evaluate your situation seems logical. There is no scientific evidence to support TMS causing anxiety. I am not sure about the quantify of TMS treatments being limited. I know people who have had three rounds of full treatments and boosters over a period of time. I have booster treatments each year. Your question is very legitimate. You may want to ask your doctor about that also. Let us know. Sending you my best for persistence and patience on your journey.

    in reply to: First TMS Appointment (Post-Consultation) #31220

    colleencasey
    Participant

    Since we are patients and not doctors or coordinators, we are free to say what we want about TMS.
    First, depression is a chronic illness for most people – sometimes additional TMS treatments are not needed when the treatment is successful – My doctor is one of those patients. Some of us do need booster treatments (not a full six week course) afterwards. It may range from a few treatments one time a year to a treatment or two once a month or so. It is different for all of us. Some of us can go completely off medications and some of us need some medication during and after treatment. Just because treatment ends, doesn’t mean the treatment effects stops as well. The end of treatment may be the beginning of changes in the brain. When I spoke with my doctor, he and I both experienced effects from our individual treatments for a period of nine months after treatment ended. Its not that way for everyone but neither is how quickly or how long it takes to feel the effects of treatment. Try not to compare (yourself with others) but just discuss individual differences. It may be more helpful when gathering information, advice or just venting a frustration to keep in mind that this is YOUR journey. We are here to support each other but don’t define your own process or outcome by others. That is what makes the world an interesting experience – our differences. Also, there are off label treatment regimens that doctors are trying. Insurance won’t cover them but a discussion with your doctor may be worth a shot if your symptoms persist. I have 3 treatments in one day sometimes to address my suicidal ideation which, the normal regimen of treatments did not resolve when it was administered. And it works well for me. I know others who’s suicidal ideation was arrested during the initial course of treatment. Changes can be slow and steady or can be up and down. Monitoring by your doctor and treatment team is imperative since they are the experts in the field. Emotions and feelings can be on unsteady ground for awhile. If you are required by your doctor to fill out depression and anxiety scales, they can be a reality check (they were for me when I was confused and scared about the outcome). Stay connected.
    Thanks Diana for your encouragement. Sending that same encouragement to everyone!

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