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  • in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5376

    rebtar
    Participant

    I get how hard it is for you. I was there several months ago, with suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. I finished my treatment in January and can say that I now am much better — combining the treatment with an adjustment of meds, psychotherapy and a lot of exercise has given me a gradual improvement to where today I am feeling fairly good, definitely in remission from depression and back to facing the challenges of daily life. But it’s been gradual — no big flashy changes. Don’t give up, get all the support you can — friends, family, medical providers, wherever you can — and hang in there. Improvement may be closer than you think. Sending warm thoughts and wishes. Rebecca

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5250

    rebtar
    Participant

    Hi Bobbypec,

    I’m almost at the end of treatment now. My doc has ordered “tapering” at the end so I have three more weeks, three treatments the first week, then two, then one.

    My experience is that it has definitely helped. I’m not feeling 100% but able to get back to my life and cope with the day to day. Some days are pretty good. I still have morning anxiety and am medicating for that but hoping to titrate down on the meds pretty soon. In a sense, it’s now on me to continue to improve by continuing therapy, and working on the issues that contributed to my depression. I’m grateful to TMS for having giving me a lift out of the dark place, to continue this work for regaining my balance and health.

    It’s hard to be where you’re at right now. The hopelessness of depression makes it so hard to see that the light at the end of tunnel may be coming. TMS has helped many people and it may certainly help you as well, patience and hanging in there is all that’s needed. I send you encouragement and support, getting better is possible.

    Wishing you the best of outcomes and that relief comes soon.
    Rebecca

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5218

    rebtar
    Participant

    Thanks! Today was a good day…

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5215

    rebtar
    Participant

    Yes, two weeks have been only three treatments per week, because of the holidays. Thanks for the support, Colleen. I’m heading out for a hike which is what keeps me afloat. Rebecca

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5213

    rebtar
    Participant

    Thanks Colleen, that is helpful. In the morning when I’m most depressed, I can only see negative outcomes. I’m feeling better this afternoon and will follow up with the doc when I see him on Tuesday. I stopped doing research for the most part as I don’t really have the energy and also I found that frequently I came up with contradictory information that was even more frustrating and anxiety producing. I do think another re-calibration is in order because my motor threshold was bouncing all over the place, and ended up coming out very high (the doc said he rarely saw it that high), so I just don’t feel confident with that result. I will insist on that even if I have to pay out of pocket for the additional calibration session. I appreciate the connection so much — this morning I knew I just had to reach out and there was a place to do it. Such a gift.
    Happy New Year to you too, may your year be full of health and happiness. Rebecca

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5211

    rebtar
    Participant

    Colleen — I’m still up and down and, well, having a bad day.

    I’m wondering what you know about re-calibration. After a stretch of days where my progress “stalled” as my doc put it, he increased my pulses from 3000 to 5000 and then after a re-calibration, increased the intensity of the pulses as well. The re-calibration seemed anomalous to me — it was kind of all over the map, high and low, and after while a while settled at a high level. I don’t feel confident that my protocol is correct, and I mentioned it to the doc but he seemed confident it was as it should be although it was “unusual”. I wanted a new calibration but he said that wasn’t in the program. I see him again Tuesday, and will try to convince him that I want to re-calibrate.

    I guess I just need support today — It’s so hard to feel better one day and worse the next. I so want to just feel better and be through this.

    Wishing you a happy and healthy new year. Rebecca

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5205

    rebtar
    Participant

    No, just unilateral left side treatments. The doc says that as the depression lifts, the anxiety should improve as well. He doesn’t think there’s much scientific support for the left side depression/right anxiety approach. However if the anxiety doesn’t improve I may ask him to do a series on the right side to see if it helps.
    My lifeline has been hiking almost every day for 1 1/2 hours over pretty challenging trails, good nutrition (gluten/sugar/caffeine free, lots of organic vegetables and high quality meats), and I’m in the process of widening my circle of active friendships that shrank enormously over the past 15 years that I’ve been depressed to one degree or another.
    I also practice DNRS, Dynamic Neural Retraining System — you can look it up on the web. It’s a system for “rewiring” the limbic system away from an overactive flight or flight response. So yes, multifaceted…
    Today was another good day — some anxiety in the morning, but much better in the afternoon and evening. I know I’m better because I’m saying hello to people I run into when hiking instead of keeping my head down…
    Wishing you good cheer for the holidays and a healthful and happy 2016!

    in reply to: Treatment number 14 today…needing encouragement. #5203

    rebtar
    Participant

    Thanks for responding Colleen and for the support. My mood seems to have lifted a bit over the past two days. The hardest part for me is morning anxiety which in itself is very hard but also pulls my mood down. I’ve started confronting it head on, so to speak, getting right out of bed, exercising through it, even while I want to cringe and cry (and sometimes do). Instead of just staying in bed suffering. Breaking with the helpless feelings is big.

    My treatment just got bumped from 3000 to 5000 pulses per session. I’m starting to look forward to the sessions, the discomfort is gone and I almost find them pleasurable. I do positive visualizations during treatment to help things along in “re-wiring” my brain towards the positive. At yesterday’s session I almost dozed off…

    I’m grateful for this forum, it helps to feel connected to a community of people who understand. I read your post about your success with TMS, I’m happy for you and wish you continued wellness. Rebecca

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