August 20, 2015 at 5:40 pm #5122
I don’t know if this is the right place to put this out there, and I did get some feedback from Martha already, but I just completed my 10th session of TMS yesterday. I have been through an extremely traumatic event, in the last year, but I also have dealt with major depressive disorder as well as anxiety and OCD for years. These caused me to lose some very important things in my life, and I’m left picking up the pieces. I started TMS because medicine just isn’t doing the trick, and I’m really at the end of what I can take. I have been off and on suicidal for many months. I have lost complete interest in all activities, I can’t be alone, I can’t trust myself, I don’t enjoy anything. Basically, I hate my life, because I know what it used to be like, and I know what it is now. I know what I had and I know what I lost.
I know TMS won’t solve all my problems, but at least if it can help me not be so depressed. I just am very scared that it is not going to work. And if it doesn’t work, what will I do then? Will I then have to do ECT?
Has anyone had to do that? My doctor at the TMS office said it may take at least 20 sessions before I notice anything at all, which is so hard. Each day is just like walking through quick sand, or treading water and trying to keep my head up, and I want to give up, but I also want to see if it will work. But I’m scared to death it won’t.
Was anyone else as depressed before TMS? Or suicidal? Sorry if I upset or triggered anyone…..August 21, 2015 at 12:30 am #5124
Hi sunflower- I’m so sorry your feeling so bad. I can relate. Don’t give up. Keep doing the TMS as many have said they felt better after more than 10 treatments. It wasn’t a good fit for me but I have some serious endocrine issues going on contributing to my depression. I know how severe the depression feels . Just keep pushing through.August 24, 2015 at 6:11 pm #5129
One thing we’d like to add is that the effects of TMS vary from person to person. Maybe the best thing to do is keep yourself open to the fact that you may experience any number of possible outcomes with this treatment.
For some, there is complete recovery, for other people there is no effect at all. Still others, will go through TMS and get just healthy enough to finally address other deeper issues that have been causing the depression to begin with.
Feeling the effects of depression can vary too. Some will actually experience The Dip, where they are lower than when they started (but this feeling DOES go away!), and for others the curtain of depression just seems to lift one day after so many treatments. Some people don’t realize they are better until weeks after treatments end.
Every person is different and TMS really shows that. Keep hope alive because you can get better, and TMS may be part of that process. Patience seems impossible right now, but hang in there. And be sure to work closely with your doctor so they can track your progress and make adjustments to your TMS Therapy as necessary.
August 26, 2015 at 2:31 am #5131
- This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by TMS+You.
Hi sunflower 78:
Just thinking about you. Keep connected so we can offer support and information that may help.
Sending my best.October 4, 2015 at 5:11 pm #5160
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have anxiety and depression and I too wonder if this is something that will help me. I am so tired of feeling like I do. It seems no one understands or at least I haven’t found anyone who has had to deal with the feelings I do on a daily basis. I started TMS and had 2 treatments and became suicidal, so took a week off and have just finished 5 sessions. I think it is painful…they say I will get desensitized. I can only hope. They say they have to use it at 120 for it to be therapeutic. I don’t feel better yet. I want so badly to get off of the massive amounts of medication I take. I hate the side effects. I hope there are still people who read and respond to this blog. I seems a lot of the posts are from last year.October 5, 2015 at 7:54 pm #5161
Thank you for your kind words of empathy and also for sharing your story. It means a lot to hear me to hear how others have fared, and I definitely hope that you are able to stay with TMS and that it brings you relief.
The forums here do seem to be a little light on activity lately, but I know I’m usually checking in and I think a good bit of people are looking up this forum from time to time.
Hopefully you stick around and share how your course of treatment goes. TMS doesn’t always work for everyone, but I think these forums have a really supportive community behind it and I know I’d like to send you all the encouragement on you getting better!October 6, 2015 at 11:57 am #5162
Thank you for responding t my post. It means a lot!November 2, 2015 at 6:24 pm #5176
YES, I think TMS can really help many people, but something we’ve all got to remind ourselves of is that we have a chronic illness that has no cure, but there ARE tools in the doctor’s toolkit to help manage them — and TMS is one of the newest, very effective tools. Don’t expect TMS to get you of of Depression Jail, however. It’s going to relieve symptoms and give you a sense of lightness that will make you feel like you can manage life in general. But you’ve got to monitor your expectations and not think TMS is a silver bullet or cure. Again, it’s your TOOL to live life with vitality, not dread, gloom and doom.
I also noticed that when TMS actually worked for me, it was so subtle that I could have missed the “lightness” that came with my remission until I realized what was missing: that horrible, disgusting “ughhhh” feeling I woke up with every morning. There was no dramatic, grand “AHA” moment that clinched it for me which, at first, was something I sort of expected. I just noticed that the little things in my life were the indicators that TMS was working. For example, I started listening to music again, answered phone call messages, I felt OK to go to the store or to the movies again, listened to what people were actually saying to me instead of zoning them out as I did when I was really depressed. So it’s important to look for little things in your day-to-day existence when you’ve reached about #18-#20 or longer during your 6 weeks of TMS treatment.
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