Scared That Depression Will Crawl Back

I’m on session 33. I’m being weaned off. So this week is 4 next 3 and then 2 or something like that. I felt ok or even great about 3 weeks ago until this week. I know my dip gets worse when I get treatment because yesterday I didn’t go and today I went and I feel horrible again. I felt the same way the day before when I had gone. I’m so scared. When I started to feel better I took an opportunity for a highly stressful job that came up. It was a once in a lifetime kind of opportunity. And I’m still grateful. But I’m so scared that my depression is going to crawl back the way I’m feeling tonight. I feel so so sad I can cry for hours. The type of crying that you do when you’re having a nightmare as if you lost a loved one. I feel so deeply sad. I’m scared that this is how I will feel now. And that I made a mistake thinking I could be normal and work at an office again. Before I was working from home and had my own clients. I’m keeping them and having my husband take over. Anyways, I don’t know what’s happening. Before tms I knew even though I’m smart enough to take a high paying job I would never have taken it. Then I had tms and took the job. And now that it’s over or weaning is happening I feel so much worse than before. I keep havibg vivid strange dreams that I’m sick and tired of. And I just feel more sad and thoughts of suicide run through my head more. I know I’m rambling. I just feel so alone. Like no one gets it. I don’t even get my depression anymore. Not to this degree. I’m thinking of not going anymore. Because I get worse with each session. Even though I only have about 4 sessions left.