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  • #5586

    leveon
    Participant

    Firstly, I stubbled on this forum and I am very grateful for you and that it exists! I feel like I am drowning alone in a sea of darkness where I can see everyone but am separate from them.

    I am starting my third week of TMS and was cruising through it until now. I was definitely depressed and anxious, but now I feel like I am losing my mind. Panic attacks like crazy, cry for no reason, the dreaded suicidal-ideation. I know they say there is supposed to be a dip, but how long will this last. I also seem to have developed a weird twinkling sensation in my head – but not in a good way. Ironically, I was feeling elATED the first week. Any and all insight/experience is greatly appreciated!

    #5587

    Dee Pressed
    Participant

    Leveon
    I would ask to see the doctor to discuss how you are feeling.
    The TMS techs are not doctors and I often felt “crazy” some days during treatment.
    Quite a few days actually leaving TMS treatment more depressed and suicidal than I felt before I ever started TMS.
    Not sure exactly what you mean by a weird twinkling sensation. Towards the end of my TMS treatment I had quick sharp pain shoot through my head, enough to make me stop whatever I was doing. Fortunately they came and went quickly. I called them brain zaps. Surprised you felt elated the first week as I said I wanted to kill someone, the constant pecking on my head was driving me nuts. They switched the magnetic coil to the right side of my head and the “pecking” was at a slower speed so a little easier to tolerate.
    I actually had a vision change that my eye dr. could not explain. Finished TMS, went back to my eye dr. and everything was back to normal. He had no explanation for why my vision got worse and even did a test on my retinas just in case. Test was normal.
    Here is what I think having now finished my TMS about 2 weeks ago. I think everyone has there own feelings, pain possibly, because we are all different, anything could be possible. It would be like putting a few people on the same anti-depressant. None of them are going to feel the same.
    I am sorry for what you are going through, and urge you to speak to the doctor running the TMS if possible. The doctor running my TMS was rarely seen except in the beginning, and I could have seen her after my last TMS session but I chose not too. Would have just cost me more money.
    I will say I am feeling somewhat better as far as depression since finishing TMS. I still have up and down days, but my down days are not as down, and the actual suicidal thoughts are gone for now.
    Not sure how long this will last, but it was worth trying as I can’t tolerate anti-depressants.
    Also I did get panic attacks during treatment for a few days, and I take meds for panic attacks and anxiety. The TMS seemed to be taking away any effect my meds use to have on me. But that went away.
    I do have headaches now and then since finishing TMS, and I am not one to suffer from headaches. Again I think leftover TMS side effects.
    Hope you can talk to your doctor, and you feel better soon.

    #5588

    Denaqueenbee
    Participant

    Dear Leveon, I hesitated before responding to your post because I can’t give the positive feedback I know you need. However, I think we all need to share no matter what our experience was with TMS. We are all different, the more people getting the treatment and posting their individual outcomes, the more we know. I never really saw negative comments until after I had started treatment, I’m glad because I needed to try it, I stayed off the forum for a couple weeks at that time.

    For myself and TMS: I was so, so excited when I finally made the commitment and started TMS. I never had such peace and a feeling no doubt I was to try it, almost a supernatural expectation that it was going to be my miracle. Everything sort of fell into place as I have to work at the same time, and taking time during the day is horrible, (if you call it work, basically I’m faking it all day pretending I’m something I”m not and that doesn’t make me feel very good about myself) . I even had peace about spending the 6k I couldn’t afford to spend, so I just KNEW THIS WAS MY MIRACLE! (

    My doctor has referred me to TMS 2 years prior but no one would accept insurance to help with cost, so I had been researching and noticing there were more people having good results. After starting TMS, I made an appointment with this doctor letting him know I finally did it, and wondered what others were telling him of their experiences with TMS. Oh dear, this is when he told me he had never had a patient go through TMS? HE REFERRED ME TO GO BUT NEVER HAD ANOTHER PATIENT USE TMS? What the heck?

    Anyway, I gave it 110%, never missed a session, positive attitude, we did both sides of the brain due to the severe anxiety, but it didn’t work for me. I was so crushed. I do think you will feel a wild ride of emotions, and I knew it was possible that it wouldn’t work, but I didn’t know it could make things worse, which is seems to have done.

    Each of us will respond differently, but it appears my thinking was left with some short term memory issues which seems to be getting better, but something has changed and I’m worried. When I type at work, I find myself leaving letters off simple words, which is not something I ever did, but I kept praying I’d get the delayed positive reaction as some do. It’s now been about 2 months now since I finished, and the depression is worse than I’ve ever felt in my life, but it could be due to failure after such hope, but something doesn’t seem right?

    Reality check, now I’m now really concerned since my employer knew I was going for TMS ( leaving daily you have to tell them something), last week I was passed over as a senior employee for responsibilities taking over from my manager after his sudden departure last week. It went to my co worker who has been here less time than I, and I don’t blame them. It’s obvious I have trouble with organization, productivity, but it was like a reality slap in the face. Now I fear I need to get back to a doctor quickly to document how bad things are in case things are falling apart here as they appear to be, as there is no way I can get another job feeling as bad as I do physically and mentally, at 60 years of age. (TMS helped amazingly with pain in my hands, nerve damage. But just last week, the pain suddenly returned)
    Leveon, I hope you have an awesome response to TMS, as SO many people do! Do not give up, just expect the wild emotions are going to happen and it won’t be as scary, it should level out. Please keep everyone posted! Who knows, maybe I’ll even have a turn around myself nothing is impossible……….
    Dena

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