Struggling-insomnia

I know how you feel! You said “I’m feeling very discouraged and like this will never end and I’ll never get back to myself.” This is exactly where I’m at. I think this all the time. No meds have worked for me and I’ve tried over 20.

I tend to sleep more when I’m really depressed. But I go through periods of bad anxiety and then I have trouble sleeping too. I feel like my sleep has been worse since I started the TMS. I just finished my 6 weeks and start the tapering Monday. I’m hoping my sleep will get better once I finish.

I, too, struggle with the negative thinking. If you look under the topic “Treatment number 14 today;needing encouragement” there’s a post written from Buddy on 5/7/16 that you might find very helpful.

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No, you most definitely are not a failure. But I know the feeling and the struggle to think positive and stay hopeful when the depression is hanging so heavy over our heads. Thank you for the prayers. I pray for others too.

I would like to hear more stories too about how things work out for people after finishing treatment. It might be up to us to share our success stories for those who start treatment after us. I was disappointed to learn that results may not start to be seen until after treatment is over.

Hang in there!

I am so happy that you’ve stuck with it and are half way done! The first day I went I swore I’d never go back. Look how far we’ve come. We have to keep going. We have to believe what others are telling us – we are brave, strong and sure as heck determined!

Yes, I think the dips and lifts come and go randomly. My depression felt worse after I started. I had no relief or lifts during the 6 weeks that I just finished. I did my first day of tapering Monday. So only 3 dreadfully painful sessions this week. After having the weekend off Mondays always hurt more.

But last Sunday I think I had what they’re describing as a lift because the worry, heaviness, unmotivation etc were gone for the entire day. Even into the evening and night I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off me and the black cloud over my head was gone. I thought my prayers were finally answered. I couldn’t get to sleep because I was planning all the things I was going to do even before my tms session in the afternoon.

Then Monday morning reared it’s ugly head and I’m back to feeling depressed. SO disappointing. My tms coordinator said this is a good sign. Soon I could have a couple of good days in a row and it will last longer from there. But now that I’m back to feeling down it’s hard to believe things will ever change. Now I guess I go back to waiting, and that’s just so painful. Easy for people who aren’t depressed or never have been to give advice.

Prayers for the healing to begin NOW, not later.

Good Morning Keep_Hoping and WarriorMan:
I am struck by the names you have both chosen – how significant in your journey in dealing with depression. I am sitting here on the outside of this conversation in awe of the strength, support, insight and hope you are both freely offering to each other. It has made me teary thinking about how the struggle with depression has brought this kindness, sharing and caring out of each of in you in support of each other. What an example you set for us all. Warrior-Man, I think the isolation of depression can be a roadblock to more positive experiences – I know it feels like reaching out just isn’t in you right now, you reached out here! And look at the bond in the struggle with depression and TMS Treatments its forging. If this forum provides that opportunity, then bravo to you for using it! That is a milestone in the world of dealing with this challenge. Keep_Hoping, keep hoping! Someone in this forum described their experience with a positive outcome with TMS like it came in waves. Wow what an accurate analogue. That is what happened to me – up and down till the ups surpassed the downs. You two show STRENGTH through this journey. You are hope. You have touched my heart and soul this morning when I am struggling with a painful issue. Please keep communicating this way – it is good to do such good in the middle of such a challenge – sending both of you gratitude. Thank you.

I’m so sorry to hear that. They are telling me the same thing about my scores rising but I’m not feeling any better either. After all this time we’ve put in it’s heart breaking to still feel so bad. Next week I taper down to 2 days for the week. They’re still telling me I could feel the effects weeks or months after tapering is done.

I was talking to a friend and she was reminding me that the delayed effect may eventually kick in. I’m getting sick of hearing that. It only makes me feel more depressed. People don’t understand how hard it is to suffer for so long, day after day, and then still have to wait, wait, wait. I’m afraid it won’t work on me at all.

It’s good news that you’re noticing changes, even if they seem distant. That’s more than I’m feeling. You’ve still got 2 weeks to go and then taper, so there’s still time for change. Does your dr give you anything to help you sleep? Maybe taking something temporarily would help. It’s extremely hard to function on little sleep and feel anxious on top of it. But you still keep going! That’s great. Make sure you give yourself credit for that. Make a mental note of all the things you DID do each day. After I look back on the day, many times I realize I actually did do more than I realized. You will too.

Warrior, I’ve had many days like that. You are not alone on that one. They are rough and it stinks. I’m glad to hear you got out and even exercised. That’s A LOT! You’re motivating me now. Make sure you think about all those good things you accomplished when the dread starts to set in later. I get that same feeling too. It’s hard to start to feel better knowing that this vicious cycle will start again the next morning.

I have been having little moments of relief, or so it seems, the last 2 days. Like fleeting moments of feeling better. Then I go back to feeling overwhelmed about all my responsibilities and feeling like I’m not getting any where in life.

Let’s give ourselves some credit for these positives we’ve experienced. Maybe this is what people mean when they say the results come in many different ways. I felt better after hearing from Colleen that she too experienced the frustration that we’re feeling when she went through her tms. I was getting sick of hearing the generic answers about waiting until tms is done, etc. I feel her input was the first real thing I could relate to. That made me want to Keep_Hoping!!

Keep_Hoping and WarriorWon:
You two are amazing. The honesty and raw truth that you reveal in your posts are so very basic and needed for a strong foundation for brain health – (my preference over the term mental health – too much stigma). But so often it is forgone because of fear, shame and all those other feelings that erupt because of external pressure. Depression when revealed for what it is and how it robs a person of the life they would choose, is one of the most difficult challenges we can face for many reasons. With that said, even though the process takes time, you have every right to be frustrated, impatient, aggravated and angry. Anyone in pain feels this way no matter what kind of pain it is. The problem with depression, is that it is an invisible suffering that has no verbal cues to alert others of what is happening and what might be needed. Keep_Hoping, the road I traveled was anything but pretty – It was very difficult and I was miserable, hurting, scared, exhausted, etc. I can relate to a lot of the feelings and experiences that you both are posting. Somehow, I find that people with depression dig so deep to keep going, keep hoping, keep trying and exploring options. It really is incredible the drive depressed people have when lethargy, lack of sleep, anxiety, pain, sadness, etc., loom constantly.
Respect is owed to you for the path you both are individually traveling. It is amazing what the two of you are enduring for your health. My thoughts are with you each day.

What a let down. I also had trouble getting to sleep last night even though I was tired all day. I was awake until 1:00 AM. Then I have to get up at 7:00 AM to get my kids ready for school. This is another one of the unknowns I deal with daily. I never know if I’ll be able to get to sleep right away or will I lay awake for 2-3 hours.

Many times, like you Warrior, I have felt that after an active day I would surely get a good nights sleep. Other days I’ve spent the day on the couch, napping, and then I fall asleep easily. I don’t get it. This sleep disruption has started after I began the tms treatments.

Colleen – thank you again for your encouragement. When I read your comments to us about the strength that’s needed to deal with all of this, the respect we deserve and considering us amazing is truly a breath of fresh air. Warrior I hope these words are helping you somehow too.

Only 2 tapers this week. Let’s see if I can make it through without crying before, during or after. I always feel worse after each session.

I have a really hard time concentrating and getting interested in anything too. It is so hard to do and makes life so boring. The days drag on and this increases my anxiety because I feel guilty for not doing anything. The simple solution (for those who aren’t depressed) would be to just go do something!

Colleen is right. A distraction does help, yet it’s still hard to really get into anything. I forced myself to do some basic things like laundry or pay bills on line. Anything so I don’t have to put all the effort in to leaving the house.

I did go to a yoga class this morning with a fake smile forced on my face.

Warrior, you’ve made it so far. You’re past the half way point. Like I’ve said before – if we hadn’t tried this we wouldn’t be so far a long in the treatment. We don’t have to wonder if it would have worked or not. We’re well on our way to finding out. I’m still praying we will see results, get relief and will be able to help others like Colleen does for us.

Good Morning Keep_Hoping and WarriorWon:
Got up this morning and was thinking of both of you. How are you doing? I just wanted to let you know that your journeys are powerful and have an incredible impact. Sending good thoughts!

Keep_Hoping:
It sounds discouraging to be in your position. I will tell you that my doctor has had patients that TMS appeared not to work for initially. There was a delayed reaction. It took a couple of months after treatment to reveal the positive outcome. It might be good to have that last treatment. I hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing. You are a strong and smart person Keep_Hoping. It is obvious from your posts. I know it is difficult and challenging to maintain a positive outlook at this point. Sending thoughts of hope.

I’ m done tapering and still feel majorly depressed. Not feeling any better than when I started is adding to my depression. This stinks.

My dr tells me the same thing you and everyone else says – wait,wait,wait to see results. I’ve exhausted this ‘search’ for a cure. I’ve tried meds, vitamins, yoga, acupuncture, counseling, exercise, message, support groups, hypnosis. I’ve read a million books and articles about overcoming depression. Eventually it’s just the same advice over and over. The article about implanting something in my brain to stimulate it sounds just like tms. There’s no time frame of when it would start working – up to 9 months later – and there are still adjustments after the surgery is done. I’ve already read about that and it sounds just as risky/unreliable as the tms was.

Face it, some people just don’t recover. Looks like I’m one of them.

I was having trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep and waking earlier too. Now that I’m done with tms my sleep is back to normal. I have less anxiety too. I’m still very depressed and I’m sleeping more because of it. I finished treatments and tapering in mid May and am still waiting for results. I too am worried all of this has done nothing for me. It’s hard to stay positive when there’s no change day after day, week after week.

Good luck to you.

Keep_Hoping and WarriorWon: I am saddened that TMS treatments are not showing the results that you both had hoped for. I am at a loss as to what to offer except support and encouragement not to give up. I have a friend who TMS did not work for either and I called her to find out what advice she might have. She is doing better than she was doing during and right after TMS treatments, but is not functioning optimally. She said that she takes each day and does the best she can. Her doctor told her that her diet, exercise, attitude, etc., make things better than they were and would be but they think she has a chronic virus from a former bout with mono. She was fine before mono struck. She is in her forties. She said that some days she takes it 15 mins at a time and that way before long the day is done. I know you both are working hard to find some sort of a path that would be more tolerable. Keep_Hoping you are a good mom as you are searching as hard as you can to improve your challenge. OMGoodness you are dedicated to this endeavor. Science is working overtime to try and find more answers. Don’t be like my brothers who gave up to early and now would be alive with TMS. The answers will come. You both are needed in this world. Try to stay connected. My thoughts and heart are with you both.

Hey! Just wanted to offer my support! Also, TMS has royally messed up my sleep as well.

I am also thinking that the TMS has effected my sleeping. After my initial treatment I was exhausted for months. Almost a year later I had a booster treatment and I am so tired all the time. I have told my primary care but wasn’t given much of an answer. I struggle to stay awake at work and even take time off to sleep or sleep on my lunch break. I don’t feel like I get a “good night’s sleep” and I exercise regularly and a have strict sleeping schedule as far as when I go to bed and how long. After reading the posts it occurred to me that the TMS could have contributed to this.

paulo683:
I am a patient so I am not qualified to address any of the medical/medication issues you have addressed in your post.
I have had positive results in terms of my depression from TMS treatments. I do have some sleeping issues, which I have had all my life, so it is difficult to attribute them to TMS. I had treatment with the Neurostar System and from what I understand Brainsway and Neurostar have differences as well as similarities in treatment delivery.
I can only speak from my position as a patient. I was wondering whether a full course of TMS would affect your sleeping any more than the one treatment has. My question would be whether your depression would improve with a full course of TMS if your sleeping issues wouldn’t get any worse. I know there is no way to predict this but since not being depressed as a result of treatment, I function much more normally – with clarity and energy, even though I do deal with the sleep issue. Is that something to consider?
These issues are complex and challenging so I send positive thoughts and support as you continue your journey through this. Let us know how you are doing.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by  colleencasey.

I have been on different meds for depression, terrible insomnia since I was a teen. I am 44 now. By what I have read it seems nobody here has had good results with TMS. I was considering 20 intensive TMS sessions. Now I am not really sure anymore if I should go ahead wit that.

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Nefelibata_NI

I had TMS 6 years ago and I have had remission and am off all meds. I do go for booster treatments about once a year for 3 treatments. Even with this result, I still struggle at times to manage my disorder as there are triggers and life situations that are bumps in the road.
I agree with Mass. TMS is a tool not a cure as depression is a chronic illness. When I was at a NAMI meeting a few years ago a patient was presenting with a different diagnosis and did not undergo TMS. But I learned a very valuable lesson from him. And it is this. A brain disorder and subsequent mental illness is an eclectic condition which takes a broad base of tools to address. Eating right, exercise, education about one’s particular diagnosis, support systems, treatment (meds, therapy, etc.) all help to some degree but when combined and attended to daily, help to a larger degree. As Mass said a shift in perspective to thinking about the tools we need to use each day and using them (even though this can be a monumental task at time) is helpful. This is not an easy path we have been given and we can’t give it or have it taken away so learning to co-partner with it and helping others understand this can help us manage our lives better. Also, many patients need booster treatments. My doctor advises that the sooner you recognize that you are slipping back and the quicker you get in for boosters the easier the depression is to treat and less amount of treatments are necessary.
Hope this is somewhat helpful. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.