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Hello,
I have my first session of TMS today and I am extremely nervous. I’m 38 and have been struggling with my 2nd depressive episode since July 2014. I’m currently on my 5th antidepressant (3rd week) and although I get some type of response from the meds, the outpatient therapy and individual counseling, most days I’m still looking forward to going to bed, which is not the way I want to live my life. I have three previous children and a very supportive husband and I just want to be able to enjoy life with them again. My first episode of depression when I was 19 lasted only 4 months and I was okay until last summer. Now, it seems like it will never go away. And I just can’t accept that my life will be like this forever. I can function, go to work, take care of my kids, but there is so little joy or any emotion.I am extremely scared of the treatment itself and if it fails. My insurance company covers 80% so I’m lucky in that regard. Any encouragement is appreciated.
Thank you
Well, it looks like it’s been put on hold due to the provider being out of network. The provider is trying to set up a separate contract. We’ll see..
I had the treatment yesterday after all. The insurance still needs to be worked out, but I didn’t want to delay. I was very nervous, but finding the threshold only took about 15 mins and the actual treatment didn’t hurt very much at all.
I’m so desperate for this to work but so afraid to be hopeful. I have a pretty low mood today with some anxiety and I just don’t know how much longer I can take this. It’s been 8 long months. Antidepressants seem to only work for the first few weeks. I don’t know what to do if TMS doesn’t work. I’m in group therapy, individual therapy, I exercise as much as I can depending on mood and energy. Mostly I go swimming a lot, which has been really therapeutic. My kids need me. I’m in such a low place today. Please give me some encouragement.
I read the 3000 pulses book last night. It would be so amazing to have the same response as she did.
Welcome Keasaw1,
I know it’s a terrible feeling to think there may be no escape from depression; and, you’ve been on that ride for a long time. When I feel that way, I try to remind myself that depression is big liar ;-).
In terms of your fear – is it the procedure or putting all that time in with no guarantee of results? Either way, you’re not alone in that fear. The treatment itself can feel a little intense the first few times, but most people get used to it. Most providers have set ups so you can bring music and some have TVs. They’ll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. The not knowing what will happen part? That is something we ALL go through. It is a commitment and for many it’s worth it. Some who don’t go completely into remission get at least some benefit. All we can do is give it a chance and try very hard to remain positive. You’re showing courage by trying it – stay brave!
I’m surprised that they set up your first treatment without having the insurance squared away. Has your insurance company advised there are providers in your network?
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellThat’s great. I think I must have been writing my first response as you were writing your good news!
Thanks for responding. It means a lot to me. How far along are you in your treatment? Do you take meds on top of it?
Hi, always glad to talk to a fellow traveler. This afternoon will be #23. I’ve been up and down the depression road with different meds since 2004. Nothing has worked to really pull me out or not for long, so I was so glad in 2013 when I had my first round and it worked. Best I’ve felt in a very long time. Dipped again in January, while I was on Remeron, and got approved for a second round. No more Remeron, no more meds. I take Trazodone for sleep with a benzo. That’s it. Did you say you just started a new med before treatment?
I’ve experienced several of what’s referred to as “dips,” but I feel so much better and today I started having a drive to get things done that I’ve been ignoring for months. And that’s the thing about TMS. If you start to feel good and then feel like you’re going downhill, that could easily be a dip and there may be more than one. It’s easy to get scared and think – IT’S NOT WORKING!!! If I could talk to that me a week ago, I would have said, let it go. Some people have reported not having a significant improvement until after treatment is over. So I guess the message there is just hold on.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbell-
This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by
NeedMoreCowbell.
I just had my second treatment. IT went fine, but I’m having a particularly low day. Just don’t know how to get through it. I’m back at work, then later my son has his basketball banquet. Then I will go swimming, which is the only thing that seems to make me feel human.
Thank you for your support.
Is it normal to feel worsened depression/anxiety after two treatments? This is really disheartening, as I was already doing bad prior to treatment and I feel worse. Is it just a coincidence or could TMS be making me temporarily worse? I’ve heard about the ‘Dip” but this is too early to feel that based on what I read.
I felt my first lift in mood since Sunday just now. So I don’t think the worsening depression was related to TMS; I think it was just a down period for me. I do still feel a little edgy/antsy and I did notice that after both the treatments so that may be related.
I’m sorry for posting so much. It’s helping me in this process, even if no one is reading.
Post away keasaw1!!!
You might consider that your nervousness over whether or not this will work for you has increased your anxiety. And, anxiety can make us pretty tired. If we over analyze each experience it’s easy to fall victim to what could be momentary dips that turn into deeper dips. You’re just getting started – give yourself a break 😉
It’s great that your able to exercise/swim! I may try to join an water aerobics course the local community ed. I’ve had fun doing that before and it will do two things: get me out of the house and get me moving. We could all use more of that.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellKeasaw,
Just wanted to wish you the best with TMS.
It has been a miracle for most people.
My best advice to you is try to be patient and positive.Thank you Greg.
How has it worked for you?
I think I’m having anxiety after the treatments, which is making it hard for me to work/concentrate afterwards. Did you experience this?Today was my 3rd treatment. Because I started mid week, my first week of treatments will continue through the weekend. Today the machine was at 120, but still okay. Hurt a little. I’m so desperate to feel better. My lift in mood lasted only a couple of hours yesterday and I woke up with another low mood today along with some anxiety. I’m hoping for another lift this afternoon. It brings me so much needed relief.
Keasaw—our stories seem similar: my first episode was at 27 and lasted 5 months and my second was 20 years later and has lasted 12+ months. I have had 5 failed antidepressant trials and am on a cocktail of 5 drugs that help keep me stabilized. My main impetus for “getting better” has been my 2 sons–and I have had a truly difficult time being an absentee mother and wife. The good news is that I’m 25 treatments in and I have made some definite gains. I would not say I’m “cured,” but I am able to laugh and enjoy myself again. Like you, I was desperate for some relief, but at the same time I was a little skeptical that TMS couls work for me. I hope you see a similar positive result!
Keasaw,
It was difficult for me to work during my first week of treatment and ended up taking a couple of days off.
The way I would describe my treatment experience was that of a roller coaster of ups and downs.
I felt the best in week 5 and 6,when they started to wean down the depression came back but certainly not as bad as when I started.
At that point I was approved for 10 more treatments and now have two left, total is 46.
Honestly, wish I had a chair at home so I could get treatments everyday.
I read another post where someone had 70 treatments until he felt better and some people who get feel better at the end of the second week.Some don’t feel better until their treatment is over.We all respond so differently.
My expectations when starting were way to high but I am glad that I did it.
Please keep us posted on your progress as we are all rooting for you.Hi Sooxie,
That is a similar experience to mine. 12 + months seems like such a long time to be dealing with this. I’m so glad you are finding some relief with TMS. I had some response to the anti depressants; as I’m able to function, work, take care of kids, but there’s just so little joy.When did you start feeling better with the TMS treatments? Did you have the “dip” that a lot of people describe?
Hi Greg,
I’m happy that you’ve had a response to TMS.Today is my 6th session and the first session where they will add an additional treatment to the right sight of my head – for anxiety. I haven’t heard anyone talking about treatments for anxiety on the right side.
I’m dreading the hour I will have to sit there. Sitting still is not something that comes easily to me right now. But what can I do.
I read in another post that your doctor wanted you to try a mood stabilizer, Latuda, I think. I was also put on a mood stabilizer last week, called Lamictal. Because one of the anti depressants I tried caused hypomania and some of the antidepressants making me worse, and the general lack of good response, there may be a little chance that I’m bipolar 2. At least that’s what my psychiatrist and psychologist have both mentioned.
Keasaw–again, our experiences criss-cross, as anhedonia (plus lethargy) was a main complaint when I started TMS treatment. I was functioning, but just passing the time until bed. About the third-fourth week I noticed that I was laughing more (or at all!) and was starting to enjoy conversations and all sorts of human interactions again. As far as the dip goes, I felt pretty shaky my fourth week overall (while still making gains with the anhedonia), and I don’t know whether to blame TMS or depression in general. My treatments wind down this week, and while I am far from where I’d like to be, I am a much-improved version of my 25-day-ago self.
I wish you the absolute best in treatment. Since our history is similar, I’m hoping you have at least the level of success I’ve had.
Sooxie –
Thank you for your well wishes. I hope so too. I am feeling a little more positive than last week, but my depression goes up and down a lot so it’s hard to tell if it’s just a normal up week for me, or if something (anti depressant – 4th week, lamictal since last week, or TMS) is working.Last week, I burst into tears during treatment – which was a little embarrassing. But this week, I’m actually enjoying the Big Bang Theory while I go through treatment. I haven’t watched much tv or laughed much during the last 8 months, so I take that as a positive.
Today was my first day of the right side. The left side lasted 37 minutes, and the right 26 minutes, but the right side was constant pecking, although not as intense.
I’m interested to hear if anyone has had that done. There’s no extra cost to it.
Today was my 7th treatment. I have been feeling a lot better this week than last, but again don’t know if that’s TMS or meds, or just natural progression of depression. From everyone’s experiences, it seems to be too early to work. However, I’m just happy that I am better than last week, because my mood was pretty low.
Today is my 9th treatment. I had a pretty good day yesterday, specifically the evening. I was able to go running (5 miles) then swimming and then watch some tv with my children. Today, not as good so far, but there’s still time for improvement.
Felt better about an hour after treatment. How is everyone else doing?
I think I am experiencing the dip. My mood has been pretty low since Sunday. Today was my 14th treatment. Any encouragement from others who have gone through the dip would be appreciated. I feel so low 🙁
Keasaw–Know that “This too shall pass.” I think my biggest dip came the first few days after treatment, when I felt utterly hopeless. That feeling did dissapate about the fourth day, however. I know others have experienced the more classic dip, so I hope the write to share their wisdom! Sooxie
Thank you.
I still feel bad today. Hopefully things start to look up. How are you?
Keasaw – thinking of you and hoping this will pass soon. Hang in there and keep us posted. Sassy
Thank you. I just finished my third week of TMS today. Hopefully the dip will pass soon. Short of ECT, I think I’ve tried everything else for this persistent 8 month long episode.
Keasaw – I understand. It’s hard as well when your body won’t let you take much of anything. If the insurance won’t pay for TMS not sure what my next option will be. I have done only 1 ect in the past. Not sure if I would do it again. Possibly one or two but no more. At this point I would almost do anything. Keep thinking positive. You still have several to go. I believe it will work for you so keep going and again hang in there with the lows. Sassy
My weekend got better, but today it’s back down again. THis is so frustrating. I hope I feel a lift soon.
Keasaw just checking on you and hope your feeling better.
Keasaw checking to see how your week went. Please give us an update if you can. Hope your feeling better. Sassy
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