Starting treatment #6 …

@entenmk, Yes, I did experience that. My week 2 was so bad some days I was only sleeping from 1am-4am & I also have a movement disorder that is activated by stress, so my movements were returning that were under control with Valium. Week 3 was so bad I told the psychiatrist I was going to give up because I was losing my battle to depression it was so much more severe, that’s when they changed some parameters & started more left sided treatment.

I had some good days in there, but it was one tough journey! There was one day around week 4 I thought I was going crazy, like literally almost went to the hospital, my legs felt like there was an electrical surge going through them all day & I was on the brink of insanity. I even called my mom & started screaming at her for no reason telling her I was getting worse. My journey was up & down, it wasn’t until they added the additional 10 treatments after 36 the tears started drying up & I felt better days. Now I’m so grateful I did it & think to myself if this treatment didn’t exist I wouldn’t be here! Everyone’s journey to mental wellness is different, but I honestly had one hell of a trip to get there. Hang in there, I hope it works out for you. Are you expressing what you are experiencing with them? When I was sleeping worse (lack of sleep was one of the things that led me to severe depression) I told them about it. I also had severe, severe memory impairment. Last night I played Sudoku for neural plasticity, so it definitely works.

@entenmk, I’m a registered dietitian and would lean more towards Lavender oil capsules for sleep if it’s anxiety related (you can look up research as they are comparable to benzodiazepines) or possibly Saffron capsules (Life Extension makes a good one which helps both anxiety & depression) Melatonin is usually too high a dosage above physiological levels made in the body & honestly contraindicated in depression because it can make it worse. You could try them for relief. Tart cherry juice 8oz an hour before bed can also help.

Have a nice vacation! Try to stay engaged as much as you can on vacation to relax yourself.

@entenmk, You’re right I’ve read those stories & was so scared to do it myself because severe anxiety is what got me into that depressive state. Everyone is different, but overall most people on here seem to respond well. Keep us posted, it’s your treatment journey. I’m sure someone else will respond on here too. If this doesn’t work out remember they’re are lots of other options, Ketamine, Psylocibin soon, etc. I also take Saffron post-treatments as I needed all the help I could get & it seems to help too.

@entenmk, When I did my first 25 treatments we were mainly doing all right-sided treatment (I think left was 5min) because my situation was where my anxiety I’ve had well managed for 20 years went to insanity with extreme agitation, so they were afraid of stimulating me in the least bit. What they didn’t say was unbalanced treatments can lead to more irritability & anger (which was what I was experiencing) I’m not an angry person, so it was unusual & I also was so fatigued, way, way more depressed. The treating psychiatrist said maybe your wired a little differently and started left balanced bi-lateral and that’s when things started to get better.

You are correct for anxiety it is slow pulse right sided. They should be doing bi-lateral anyways, most people need both so they don’t become too activated or too irritable. I did have mornings with panic waking up & thought that’s weird my Valium isn’t working…in the end it calmed down and 46 was my magic number. I didn’t think it worked at all until 36 on…I also cut daily Valium in half from 15mg at the start to 7.5mg today, Hoping to stop that eventually, but they want me off 100% before doing another round…that’s tough.

@entenmk, Good news is the right side also treats depression! The magnetic pulses reach more than just the side they are treating, in fact bi-polar depression is only treated on the right side due to mania possibility on the left. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing increased anxiety, that’s an awful feeling too! Have they not been doing bi-lateral the whole time?

Keep the faith, I hope in the end it works out. Remember some people get better post-treatment as well. And if this isn’t it, have you tried Ketamine? I’m sure you’ve already tried the medication merry-go-round.

@entenmk How your treatment going? Thought about checking in to see how your doing.

@entenmk, I sure hope you do, your in the home stretch where it should lift either during these or post-treatment (my husband didn’t think it worked until afterwards for him) The supporters on this forum are what kept me going. I remember one day closer to 36 I had my sons flag football practice & literally cried all day up until his practice. I went on this forum and talked to a girl who was doing WAY better in her treatment than I was. I talked to her about my lack of progress & how bitter I was that my attempted suicide was unsuccessful because I was left with a broken brain & nothing but crying all day everyday. She told me she was where I was once & that she knew I would get better. She said even if they’re small steps. I dragged myself to get dressed & went to his game, did my best to pay attention.

I’m telling you this because I was where you are. I think the fatigue of the process, the constant headaches, & all the neurological changes taking place just wear you down. This weekend I celebrated my 12 year olds birthday, planned it all, talked to parents, etc. Just this past January I was so sick I couldn’t do anything for my 7 year olds birthday except take him out to eat (crying through most of it) & I remember when he was like “I’m not having a party with friends”

Today I’m reading a 700 page book “The Gold Finch” & playing Sudoku again. In December when I was first put on Valium I thought I’d never comprehend anything again..I remember buying a Sudoku book and just crying because I couldn’t even understand it or retain #’s in my memory enough to figure out the next row. Am I back to where I was? No, but I took a really big fall. Can I experience joy, am happy with the progress I made? Yes.

One last thing I work with an integrative doctor and after TMS I found out my Vitamin D was low, B12, & carnitine levels (all these are involved in depression & brain health) Those are helping with my fatigue. I also am low in testosterone and didn’t realize that plays a role in women’s depression too because it helps serotonin/dopamine receptors in the brain, so I got a SottoPelle hormone pellet in my hip and that’s helped quite a bit more. If the TMS can boost you enough maybe you can work with a doctor to look at other avenues that may help your mental health (hormones, gut health, deficiencies, etc) Remember if this isn’t it, something out there is. Keep pressing on my friend 🍀

@entenmk,
Hi, Any progress yet? My kids went back to school today and I’m my way out for my booster. Thought I’d see if it turned around for you.

Hope your feeling lighter & brighter:)