What the Hell?

Dear Leveon, I hesitated before responding to your post because I can’t give the positive feedback I know you need. However, I think we all need to share no matter what our experience was with TMS. We are all different, the more people getting the treatment and posting their individual outcomes, the more we know. I never really saw negative comments until after I had started treatment, I’m glad because I needed to try it, I stayed off the forum for a couple weeks at that time.

For myself and TMS: I was so, so excited when I finally made the commitment and started TMS. I never had such peace and a feeling no doubt I was to try it, almost a supernatural expectation that it was going to be my miracle. Everything sort of fell into place as I have to work at the same time, and taking time during the day is horrible, (if you call it work, basically I’m faking it all day pretending I’m something I”m not and that doesn’t make me feel very good about myself) . I even had peace about spending the 6k I couldn’t afford to spend, so I just KNEW THIS WAS MY MIRACLE! (

My doctor has referred me to TMS 2 years prior but no one would accept insurance to help with cost, so I had been researching and noticing there were more people having good results. After starting TMS, I made an appointment with this doctor letting him know I finally did it, and wondered what others were telling him of their experiences with TMS. Oh dear, this is when he told me he had never had a patient go through TMS? HE REFERRED ME TO GO BUT NEVER HAD ANOTHER PATIENT USE TMS? What the heck?

Anyway, I gave it 110%, never missed a session, positive attitude, we did both sides of the brain due to the severe anxiety, but it didn’t work for me. I was so crushed. I do think you will feel a wild ride of emotions, and I knew it was possible that it wouldn’t work, but I didn’t know it could make things worse, which is seems to have done.

Each of us will respond differently, but it appears my thinking was left with some short term memory issues which seems to be getting better, but something has changed and I’m worried. When I type at work, I find myself leaving letters off simple words, which is not something I ever did, but I kept praying I’d get the delayed positive reaction as some do. It’s now been about 2 months now since I finished, and the depression is worse than I’ve ever felt in my life, but it could be due to failure after such hope, but something doesn’t seem right?

Reality check, now I’m now really concerned since my employer knew I was going for TMS ( leaving daily you have to tell them something), last week I was passed over as a senior employee for responsibilities taking over from my manager after his sudden departure last week. It went to my co worker who has been here less time than I, and I don’t blame them. It’s obvious I have trouble with organization, productivity, but it was like a reality slap in the face. Now I fear I need to get back to a doctor quickly to document how bad things are in case things are falling apart here as they appear to be, as there is no way I can get another job feeling as bad as I do physically and mentally, at 60 years of age. (TMS helped amazingly with pain in my hands, nerve damage. But just last week, the pain suddenly returned)
Leveon, I hope you have an awesome response to TMS, as SO many people do! Do not give up, just expect the wild emotions are going to happen and it won’t be as scary, it should level out. Please keep everyone posted! Who knows, maybe I’ll even have a turn around myself nothing is impossible……….
Dena