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Keep up the good work.
Thanks for checking in with me Eric99.
It’s been crazy lately but mostly circumstances and like maybe I’d be handling things even worse than now without TMS. I really don’t know. I hope I am someone who maybe just gets all the benefits AFTER all treatments.Wow thank you so much Stingray_2014 I appreciate the support and it doesn’t matter if you are “new” or “less experienced” on this forum. I have decided to go back on my same buspirone dose that I was taking before titration. I can’t believe I forgot that you aren’t supposed to make any med adjustments while undergoing TMS treatments. I had to have my threshold thing increased bc of the med change I made without further consideration and thoughtfulness. Told pdoc about it but he most likely was not listening well enough to remember.
Eric99 , thanks for your support and understanding. It’s good to be reminded that TMS (or any treatment or help) is not a straight line all moving forward. And it gets scarier when you feel worse and then it does become so easy to slip into the negative thinking and forget that there have been incremental and small changes and shifts. Thank you for bringing that mindfulness back into my mind and everyone and anyone else who comes along this forum.
I’m counting down the days. I am gonna get a cake when I’m done and I want to share it with the treatment place. Do you know if it’s okay for places to receive a “gift” of food? Like I know there are some restrictions on gift giving to doctors and suche.
Thanks again for all the support and being willing to share ourselves with eachother.
I know. It’s hard. I know it’s hard. Yeah I don’t know where the people who said they felt better in 2wks are but they supposedly exist. Things DO feel lighter and like SLIGHTLY easier to deal with. But it can feel like time trials. TRUE TMS is used for other things but FDA and insurance coverage wise, depression is the thing. I am cautious with the extremely fast expanding list of what TMS does bc I think some of it’s BS but whatever works.
I know for me other things got more intense like anxiety at first (3wks) then self-harm got real big for a short while, very acute so short but very intense.
Hang in there. For me I just want the treatments to be over. I feel better-ish and that’s fine, it could get even better but I’m so sick of the treatments. Keep sticking with it.
Hi Stingray_2014
I know things are hard, I know many things feel impossible, I know things are dark. There are many ups and downs and obviously TMS testimonials don’t address the real full experience of TMS. 4-6wks my ass… It is very courageous of you to seek TMS treatments and to use this forum. This forum has helped me during the darkest week of TMS and has helped me when I began to doubt TMS, doubt myself and second guess TMS and myself.It isn’t one straight line from the first TMS treatment to the last. The “Dip” is “classic” but your experience is your experience. Within my first week of TMS, I wanted to quit; it felt too much it felt like it would be impossible for me to get through. That others could but not me, no, not me.
Being open with your pdoc and technician is important; they are there to support you!
I’ve heard that when TMS is used for anxiety and depression the depression is usually treated first then the anxiety.
Hi Stingray_2014. I commend you on seeking TMS treatment and this forum. This forum has gotten me through some of the scariest parts of treatment. 50 minute sessions seems high to me; I have been using Brainsway Deep TMS which are 20 minute sessions. Please keep pushing through it. There are times where you will want to quit and want to stop treatments abruptly. Please don’t. I found that my anxiety started to be more intense for the first few weeks but it seems to have leveled back out to its “normal” level which of course isn’t as “normal” as anyone would like. Haha.
Sometimes patients will undergo an additional round of treatments (not 32 or 36 usually) to treat the other side of the brain as that side has to do with anxiety more and it can level people out.
Keep on keeping on.
I am near the end and I can’t wait for it to be over. Mainly because of how time consuming it is and energy draining and suche. This coming week is my last week of 3x a week and then two weeks of 2x a week and I will be done! I can’t wait. I don’t know what to expect following that though. But I can see the finish line. The end of all the treatments. I’m not expecting to somehow feel amazing overnight but yeah. What was it like after having your final sessions?
UPDATE: Next week, I start tapering down to 3 sessions/wk for 3wks or so? And then two weeks of 2 treatments and then done! So like 5 weeks more? I’m just so done with it. I’m tired. I’d be fine if I could “quit” everything else and just get this TMS done with and then go back to doing what I want. I just want to lie around all day and lay on the couch or my bed, or on the floor and just be in comfy clothes/pajamas. I seriously don’t want to actually do much of anything and just get this over with. So far, this week at TMS treatments I have been “meh” and I just try to suck it up and get it over with. I’m not sure how else to do it at this point but I dropped my 8wk online class which sucks but also helps but like argh.
I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING! I JUST WANT TO LAY AROUND THE HOUSE AND DO WHATEVER I PLEASE OR DO “NOTHING”. I’m just tired idek. I also feel like there is this obligation for how I should feel about TMS and when people ask how is TMS or ask how am I doing in general. I’m not great. I’m tired, exhausted, down, lost, bored, tired.
Please, please, help. I appreciate everyone who is active on this site and offering support to others whether or not I have seen your account around or not.
Sincerely Sincere,
-LAJP
Hi loki! Welcome! Thanks for reaching out, we love to support each other. Yeah off-label uses for TMS include ASD. But I don’t want to change that oart of me (somewhat)… I’m afraid I’ll see what I missed and feel dumb about my past…
But glad you are here. I had MDD, Anxiety NOS, ADHD, ASD, as well. This is a really relatable place. I’m sorry you are so tired and sleepy too. Naps are almost always nice though.
Wish you the best.Thanks Patjrvj. Yeah, it’s nice to know someone else is at the beginning of TMS and like walking through it together in a sense.
Colleencasey, I don’t feel suicidal like I did at the end of last year (Nov/Dec of 2017) but I have increased self-harm urges and have acted on the self-harm urges. I just don’t know. I think I’m happier… like things seem more do-able and not as daunting. But also things are scary and I don’t know if I am doing the “right” thing when it comes to college and school right now.
I guess I feel like there is this way I am “suppose” to feel and if I don’t then either I’m doing something “wrong” or TMS is “wrong” for me. I feel obligated to feel “better” (that term is so subjective to everyone individually). If I don’t, then it’s my fault.
I want to try to be natural in how I feel and make sure these feelings are MINE and nobody’s expectations. How do I stay true to myself?
Thank you so much colleencasey. You are so helpful, supportive, and insightful and understanding. I just, this second half of the week (starting Wednesday) I feel so tired; and past tired to exhausted and drained at this point. Wednesday was one of the rougher TMS sessions I’ve had since the first week (definitely an adjustment period for everyone right?). I just I don’t know. Circumstances, my best friend is in the hospital, I feel overwhelmed with PTK (honor society for 2-yr colleges), TMS, school; I’m starting to doubt school and if I even genuinely want an Associates in Arts in Media Comm. I want to earn my associates for sure. That’s a set goal.
I just idek. Is this one experience of a Dip/The Dip? I just, my self-harm urges are higher than they have been in months, I cry at almost nothing, I don’t want to feel like this. It just kinda accumulated and hit me like that *snaps fingers*. My case worker came over today and asked how my week was and I genuinely believed it was Monday… then I realized/remembered it’s Friday…
I feel so lost and I am second guessing and doubting things. Please help. I feel so alone in this.
Welcome to the TMS+You Forum! I know it takes a lot to start posting on this… I checked this site a few times a week before deciding to create an account so I could reach out to others. This forum can be very useful and supportive and I’m glad you have taken to it. I wish you best of luck.
Sometimes people receive treatment on both sides of their head because one side of the pre-frontal cortex tends to be associated with emotions like depression and another part manages anxiety. Do not be afraid to ask questions and bring this idea up to your doctor and/or technician.
That’s great to hear! I felt dread of TMS during the first week so stick with it! TMS can really be a life-saver. Definitely a game-changer.
I didn’t know how many people really did TMS and it’s really nice to know that it is more common than one might think. You can feel so much less alone. Thanks everyone!
Thanks for the reminder. It’s easy to fall into being overwhelmed by the big picture.
Right now, I feel more depressed (definitely circumstantial) but also like more able to deal with it/be okay with it? I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s not just a lighter feeling and being able to manage on top of it. I genuinely feel more depressed (not including previous suicidal ideation) than last month/December but I guess able to manage relatively okay?
Less physical side effects other than tired/exhausted and that is a combination of phys/mental/emot. tiredness.
Wow I’m so proud of you for trying this out (TMS) after just hearing about it relatively a short while ago. I would have said it differently but I’m typing on my phone and do not want to backspace lol. I totally understand how you feel about life not being for you. As if you weren’t meant for “it” (life) and I hope you don’t have to feel like that again.
Okay yeah. I also am autistic so sensory wise I might get sensory overload quicker than another person. I’m glad to know that it’s not too atypical to build up the percentage. I feel like it was more burdensome to have them do that but I think now that them “going out” of their way to best accommodate really speaks to how understanding they are. I just woke up from a nice nap which I’m glad I have the ability to take. I am a college student part-time and hold a part-time job. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to reduce my credit hours and work hours.
A big hallmark and advertising point they seem to use for TMS everywhere is that “you can even return to work!” but physical ability and then mental and emotional ability are two different things. Were there times where it was more difficult to get back on “track” and resume activities, tasks, and other responsibilities? If so, how did you manage them. If not, what do you think could help?
Thanks for sharing your story and experience as I know it’s not the easiest thing to do.
Had my first appointment and mine are 5x a week. I know some places do 4x a week…? The first 2 second tap after “calibration” was at 100% and that was too much for me. The doc and technician were soooo very helpful and accommodating by slowing down, they did it at 80% and today they did it at 85% today. So far headaches and jaw pain and sleepiness are the after/side effects that have hit me the most. Have you felt tired and lethargic following the sessions? I’m basically “signed off” for the day and probably won’t commit to anything. Like yes I could run errands but I don’t feel super obligated because I can’t handle all that right now.
Thank you for sharing your experience at the first treatment session. It’s helpful to hear from real people and not people who constructed a brochure. Haha.
