Profile for User: Lasthope97

Just an update. My TMS doctor and my psychopharmacologist met and discussed my case. Since I clearly responded to TMS at the beginning, they both feel confident that it can work for me. My TMS doctor is going to remap me again, and she is also researching increasing me to 5000 pulses, rather than 3500 (which I think is the standard). I am on Day 25, so they are also extending my treatment. Fortunately, my insurance will cover it. The bilateral treatment has not made a difference, so she is discontinuing that. Plus, I don’t have a history or indication of anxiety. My doctor feels personally responsible for my continuing dip and is doing everything she can to make it work. She evaluated my results and feels 100% sure that my initial improvement was due to TMS and was real, not psychosomatic or due to medication, etc. I feel confident that she will do everything she can to make this work for me.

I am still severely depressed and pretty hopeless now. I feel that TMS is my last option for getting well. I have even thought about running away to Aruba and totally changing my life. Unfortunately, depression follows you wherever you go, so that is not a real solution.

I am following Colleen’s suggestion to learn / hear Mo Gawdat. I am also trying to exercise and adjust my diet to eliminate sugars and other things that can affect depression. However, as you know, when you feel this bad it is hard to even brush your teeth, much less exercise.

Thanks for all of your continued insight and support! The people in my life, including my family, don’t really understand what I am going through and are, frankly, getting tired of it. So y’all are more appreciated than you know.

Thanks so much for your responses. I am still feeling very depressed. I just got back from a week-long Caribbean vacation and, while I certainly felt happier with all that sunshine and beautiful water, the deep depression was just under the surface. The doctor didn’t feel that being away from treatment for a week at this point would cause a problem. I started back on TMS this morning. I am still incredibly depressed and feel so hopeless. I feel like Martha describes above — want to cry all of the time, can’t do any of the things I need to do in terms of daily life, etc.
If this doesn’t work, I don’t know what I will do. I have literally tried 50+ medication options (probably more) in my years of depression – about 25 years. Some drugs and drug combinations worked for a while and then stopped working. I am seeing the TMS through and wishing for the best. But I have lost hope even though my doctor has said that she believes it will work since I had such good initial results. I was remapped once and I believe she is going to re-map me this week, so maybe that will make a difference.

Your comments and caring mean more than you know. People who don’t suffer from depression cannot really understand it, even though they may be sympathetic. Hearing from those of you who have gone through it is so helpful. Thanks and I will let you know what happens over the next few weeks. I don’t know what I will do if this doesn’t work.