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Sassy, thinking of you. Any news yet????
Sooxie, that is great news – so happy for you!! It’s been quite a ride, huh? Please continue to be brave and engage in life. The more we do it, the better we feel. Best, NeedMoreCowbell
Sassy, so sorry. Being physically sick with the flu on top of depression is really the dregs. Hold on to the love you have for your children! Just like the wind or ocean waves, feelings come and go and remember that there have been long periods where you have felt better. Hold onto that.
Your reference to a sort of brain reset or helping you get to a place where meds will work again is a good goal to have and a good way to think of it. Makes sense to me.
Get rested, get well, and dream of little tapping sensations on your head 😉
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellThanks Sassy. So, you’d had success with Zoloft, it stops working, and how is that related to taking Advil? Are you still taking Zoloft? I was on Remeron and it’s pooped out on me several times and then there’s the weight gain. UGH.I felt so sedated all the time I was having a hard time working.
Also, are you saying the TMS docs are insisting on meds during treatment? I get confused about this subject as there are so many people who are referred for TMS because we are treatment resistant. We’ve been on multiple med trials. My insurance company has that as one of the criteria for getting approved – unsuccessful med trials. And yet TMS providers will continue to push meds. This might have to do with the lack of coverage for maintenance and they don’t want to have us get better and then we go off and relapse so they’re offering what is in their tool box.
I’m so tired of thinking about it and if this is the world we’re in and I want to get better and do my best to stay there, then I guess I’ll have to try what is offered.
Best,
NeedsMoreCowbell (really)Hi Grey, sorry I didn’t see your response before today. $45 per session? Yikes. I’m going to appeal my co-pays as I don’t believe I would have co-pays for medical treatments that don’t fall under the category of Office Visit. The new health care law included a parity provision that requires health insurance companies to treat mental health the same as what’s considered medical treatment and I believe these co-pays are in direct violation of it.
As I start to feel my feet under me in terms of advocating on behalf of myself, I’ll be able to put through a proper/assertive appeal. I’m not giving up this time!
Still, the fact that I can address this topic and feel a semblance of sanity is because of TMS. I’m still hitting dips, especially on the weekend where my time lacks structure. I’ve had these lost weekends and then feel guilty. I keep thinking – I feel better, so where is the motivation to get things done? Then I realize these are behavior patterns that I can address in therapy. Just because I feel better doesn’t equate to automatically changing behavior. That’s the hard part, but TMS has put me in the mind-set of being able to do the work. I guess that’s what they say about meds.
How are you this week?
Best,
NeedMoreCowBellPost away keasaw1!!!
You might consider that your nervousness over whether or not this will work for you has increased your anxiety. And, anxiety can make us pretty tired. If we over analyze each experience it’s easy to fall victim to what could be momentary dips that turn into deeper dips. You’re just getting started – give yourself a break 😉
It’s great that your able to exercise/swim! I may try to join an water aerobics course the local community ed. I’ve had fun doing that before and it will do two things: get me out of the house and get me moving. We could all use more of that.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellHi, always glad to talk to a fellow traveler. This afternoon will be #23. I’ve been up and down the depression road with different meds since 2004. Nothing has worked to really pull me out or not for long, so I was so glad in 2013 when I had my first round and it worked. Best I’ve felt in a very long time. Dipped again in January, while I was on Remeron, and got approved for a second round. No more Remeron, no more meds. I take Trazodone for sleep with a benzo. That’s it. Did you say you just started a new med before treatment?
I’ve experienced several of what’s referred to as “dips,” but I feel so much better and today I started having a drive to get things done that I’ve been ignoring for months. And that’s the thing about TMS. If you start to feel good and then feel like you’re going downhill, that could easily be a dip and there may be more than one. It’s easy to get scared and think – IT’S NOT WORKING!!! If I could talk to that me a week ago, I would have said, let it go. Some people have reported not having a significant improvement until after treatment is over. So I guess the message there is just hold on.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbell-
This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by
NeedMoreCowbell.
That’s great. I think I must have been writing my first response as you were writing your good news!
Welcome Keasaw1,
I know it’s a terrible feeling to think there may be no escape from depression; and, you’ve been on that ride for a long time. When I feel that way, I try to remind myself that depression is big liar ;-).
In terms of your fear – is it the procedure or putting all that time in with no guarantee of results? Either way, you’re not alone in that fear. The treatment itself can feel a little intense the first few times, but most people get used to it. Most providers have set ups so you can bring music and some have TVs. They’ll do whatever it takes to make you comfortable. The not knowing what will happen part? That is something we ALL go through. It is a commitment and for many it’s worth it. Some who don’t go completely into remission get at least some benefit. All we can do is give it a chance and try very hard to remain positive. You’re showing courage by trying it – stay brave!
I’m surprised that they set up your first treatment without having the insurance squared away. Has your insurance company advised there are providers in your network?
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellSooxie – I don’t want to over-step boundaries, but have you heard of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)? It was originally designed for women with Borderline Personality Disorder, but over the last decade or so the psychiatric community has evolved and it’s used to treat depression, PTSD, anxiety… It is a very structured, group or individual, approach to therapy where you learn skills and then practice them. And it saved my life a few times before the idea of TMS was introduced to me in 2013.
I’m not sure if it’s okay to post non-TMS links here, but I’d like to suggest you look it up. We could probably both use some practice in “opposite action” to get from the couch to the sink and other stuff we both seem to be avoiding or have no energy for ;-). Others here might also find it helpful. I could go on about how it is not available nearly as much as it should be, but that’s another subject all together.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellThank you so much for your support Colleen! Today is a good day 😉
Sooxie – so glad you’re making gains! I finished #21 yesterday. I can certainly relate to some of what you’re experiencing. I’m laughing more and it’s easier – I feel lighter sometimes. My concentration is getting better and doesn’t dip like my emotions. Still, outside of the mandatory stuff, like get up, go to work, go to treatment, the motivation to do things like clean, laundry just keeps slipping through my fingers. I’ve decided to stop thinking about it as I believe it’s been responsible for some serious anger and guilt. My treatment doc is concerned that my mood shits are a bit too extreme at this point. Since he really doesn’t know me, I’ll take that with a grain of salt.
I’m going to buy into the idea that my recovery won’t stop with my last treatment. Lifestyle choices will help get me further down that road. Starting a journal today to track my moods, what triggers anger and see if I can use DBT skills to get it under control.
Stay positive!
Sooxie, were you only approved for 30 treatments – no tapers?
Graffin, it sounds like you’ve made some pretty intense lifestyle changes. Kudos!!! BUT, perhaps slowing down a bit might lower the fatigue. Any time I’ve ever worked with a trainer (I am so good at starting!!!!), they tell me I’m going to be tired until my body gets used to it. Between the treatments and lots of exercise, it doesn’t surprise me that you’re tired.
Still, sometime to consider if you haven’t… have you had your vitamin D level checked lately? They checked my levels months back and I was shocked at how low it was. My primary put me on a Vitamin D super dose that I took for five weeks and now I take extra every day.
Hi Sooxie, I was pretty upset yesterday when I learned that. Yes, they actually have to work out a payment plan as they’ve already been paid by my insurance. You can actually pay as little as $10/month to a medical bill and there’s nothing they can do about it. I’ll do my best, it was just a shock and I’m not dealing with adversity very well right now. My mood ranges from okay to completely disregulated. I’ve advised my TMS doc and he doesn’t seem concerned. I’ll continue to going, but the only improvement that seems to stay with with me regardless of my mood is my increased ability to concentrate and problem solve. Very strange.
How are you feeling?
Ah! Turned out to be a slight dip and now I’m back. I was feeling pretty bad and then woke up this morning and felt okay again. Not as well as I did last week, but now I know I can feel better and that will keep me from giving up. Sigh.
Interesting that the return to feeling good also came with waking up at 3:45 am and not being able to go back to sleep. Wide awake!
Sooxie, I’ve always found that notion confusing. I remember seeing commercials for ADs, like Celexa and Wellburtrin. They showed people walking on the beach, playing ball with the kids and they’d say something like, “I feel like myself again.” I wondered how I would feel if I got to that point and who the heck that would be? 😉 In a straightforward way, I take it to mean – when I’m feeling okay or even good, what are the things I really like to do. When I feel better, do I engage in them again or do I find new interests. If things are going really well, I might take risks in social situations – like engage with people face to face. I think it’s the little things we notice about ourselves and I wouldn’t spend too much time comparing. Does that make sense?
Well, after my week of feeling pretty good, I slid into a funk (dip?). I feel pretty close to how I felt when I started three weeks ago. It’s different though. I feel pretty down, but I can concentrate. Where I was having a hard time getting to work, I can now talk myself out of bed and get out the door. Strange.
I agree, Graffin, no new meds for me until I know how the TMS is going to affect me for at least a month or two after my treatment ends.
Absolutely Greg. Did your TMS provider attempt to steer you in that direction?
I’m just grateful that my long time psychiatrist is on the same page as me when it comes to introducing new meds. In my quest to get maintenance authorized under “individual consideration,” she will have her say in that area.
Thank you Colleen and Greg. Today is a good day.
Hi Greg, thanks! The first time I had 36 – 30 daily for five weeks and six tapers spread over two weeks. That treatment provider used NeuroStar. The clinic I go to now includes the same amount of treatments, but the tapers are spread over three weeks. It’s in the research area of a hospital. The program involves having functional MRI before, during, and after the treatment is completed. They use the first set of scans with a MagVenture TMS machine to navigate where to put the coil. It must be very different as the technicians have to fumble around to get the coil situated when it was much easier with NeuroStar. It’s quite fascinating, but it’s not the relaxing environment of a NeuroStar clinic. They’re trying to figure out if there are markers that will tell them who have success down the road. The Scientist/Clinician is attempting to pull together information to make a case for maintenance, among other things.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellPS: Sooxie – sorry I spelled your name incorrectly in my response to you 😉
Hi Souxie! I’ve went through TMS a few years ago and I’m presently on my second round and today will be my 15th treatment. It IS the little things we start to notice at this point and that is a very good sign. Feeling a little relaxed, able to make decisions easier, slowly feeling a little more in control – the things most people take for granted become small steps we can use to build on that will help us get better. Do you journal? I started taking notes the other day about my progress, so I can see the actual changes and remind myself that I can feel better.
My treatment doc asked me if I’ve become more active and I told him not quite. The difference is I want to and wanting to do things is a marked improvement in my state of mind. I’ve planning forever to clean the house over the weekend, but never seem to get past the basics. This weekend I will hope to go from wanting to actually doing. I do feel better, but I can relate to your impatience – I want it know!!!
Take care and let’s hear for #15!
Best,
NeedMoreCowbellThank you GraffinLA. I absolutely need to practice yoga and meditation to calm my mind. I’ve been depressed off and on for more than a decade and I’ve never had a problem sleeping. That didn’t start until I was a week into my treatment during both rounds more than a year apart. I’ll also check out the Uvex.
Best,
NeedMoreCowbell -
This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by
