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Thanks, NeedMore, for the nice words. In addition to an update, I wanted to make sure my experience offered encouragement to anyone nearing the end of treatment or anyone not-quite-satisfied with their during-treatment results. I know I panicked as the 30th session drew near and, as I expressed, one week out of treatment I was at a low. Three weeks out and I am gardening and helping my son build a mousetrap car for science. Here’s to continuing progress for all of us!
Sassy–how are things?
Keasaw–Know that “This too shall pass.” I think my biggest dip came the first few days after treatment, when I felt utterly hopeless. That feeling did dissapate about the fourth day, however. I know others have experienced the more classic dip, so I hope the write to share their wisdom! Sooxie
Hi 75 olds–
I did not feel much improvement until the 3rd and 4th week, and even then it was subtle. Plus, improvement came in an area I wasn’t aware needed fixing (until it was fixed). I still deal with anhedonia and lethargy, which were my main complaints, but they are less intense.
Wishing you the best!
SooxieThank you, Martha. I finished treatment a week ago and have felt a bit untethered since, so your words couldn’t have come at a better time. If I get any bright ideas I will let you know. Sooxie
Thanks for your thoughts, Greg.
I have not talked to my dr. about extending treatments–but it is worth a try. Thanks for the suggestion.Keasaw–again, our experiences criss-cross, as anhedonia (plus lethargy) was a main complaint when I started TMS treatment. I was functioning, but just passing the time until bed. About the third-fourth week I noticed that I was laughing more (or at all!) and was starting to enjoy conversations and all sorts of human interactions again. As far as the dip goes, I felt pretty shaky my fourth week overall (while still making gains with the anhedonia), and I don’t know whether to blame TMS or depression in general. My treatments wind down this week, and while I am far from where I’d like to be, I am a much-improved version of my 25-day-ago self.
I wish you the absolute best in treatment. Since our history is similar, I’m hoping you have at least the level of success I’ve had.
Have treatment #26 tomorrow and am hoping this last week will have some effect on my lethargy. The bad news is that it’s still around; the good news is that it’s the last outstanding symptom I’m dealing with. When I started TMS I thought I only had lethargy and anhedonia to deal with, but as it’s become easier and easier to talk and be with others, I realized I had some social anxiety mixed in there. Wish insurance would approve over 30 or at least tapers, but I will work with what I’ve got.
Sending hope and positive thoughts for you and your sister, Greg.
Keasaw—our stories seem similar: my first episode was at 27 and lasted 5 months and my second was 20 years later and has lasted 12+ months. I have had 5 failed antidepressant trials and am on a cocktail of 5 drugs that help keep me stabilized. My main impetus for “getting better” has been my 2 sons–and I have had a truly difficult time being an absentee mother and wife. The good news is that I’m 25 treatments in and I have made some definite gains. I would not say I’m “cured,” but I am able to laugh and enjoy myself again. Like you, I was desperate for some relief, but at the same time I was a little skeptical that TMS couls work for me. I hope you see a similar positive result!
Just finished #22. I am still struggling when it comes to lethargy, or more specifically, how acts that were once automatic now aren’t (eg emptying the dishwasher, running errands, etc). But I’ve made gains in a lot of other areas–like feelings of guilt & worthlessness are diminishing and I’m laughing.
Sooxie-
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sooxie.
Yep–just 30.
Tomorrow is #21. Last week was a lethargic, back-pedaling one–I’m hoping it was the dip so many mention. Ten sessions left, which seems a short time to meet my mental health goals, but I am tring to keep in mind others’ counsel that even after the 30 benefits are gained.
NeedMore–I have a co-pay (my insurance is a ppo), but I was told about my out-of-pocket obligation before starting. Maybe your TMS provider would be willing to work out a payment plan? Have you investigated that avenue? Sooxie
NeedMore–I get you and I think we’re on the same wavelength. I am thinking about things like art, painting walls, and diving into projects. Before this major depressive episode, those were things that punctuated my days. Now, I am lucky to get out the Sharpies once a month, and any project larger than unloading the dishwasher is so overwhelming I can’t fathom it. I wonder if anyone’s had a similar experience, and, post TMS, if they’ve been able to return to their former lives more or less.
Sooxie, hitting #20 tomorrowI keep repeating that I can’t wait to return to ‘normal.’ My husband cautions that the ‘old me’ might be someone I don’t rediscover, but that my new ‘normal’ might be even better. Any thoughts?
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(PS My treatment is 3000 pulses at 120%–and the doctors will not adjust that throughout the TMS course)
Tomorrow is treatment #18, and I would say I am definitely feeling some benefit to TMS. As noted before, personal interactions are easier and transitions between actiivities are smoother. I’ve also noticed that I am able to clean more and time alone is natural and not anathema. I’ve actually watched a couple movies and tv shows and enjoyed them. I’m excited to see what will unfold with the next 12 sessions–and being excited in itself is a new sensation!
I will ask about mt and #pulses tomorrow. Two things I have noticed: 1) interacting with people seems easier lately, like I’m not ‘roboting’ thru acting like a human. It seems more organic and relaxed; 2) I don’t feel at such a loss when alone. I may still be filling my time with reading, writing, and tv–but connections btw activities are more fluid, smoother. Tomorrow is #15–hoping for continued progress.
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Thanks for weighing in, Colleen and Graffin.
Just finished #13–hoping that one of these days I will feel something that indicates it’s working. Crossing my fingers…I’m wondering if anyone has had experience with Adderall. I took as a booster and it worked wonderfully for three days, and then after that has worked to inch up mood but hasn’t done much for lethargy.
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Today marks my 10th session. Monday I meet with my doctor to access progress. I’m not sure there is much–but, thanks to everyone’s sharing, I am not overly concerned with this.
Thanks for the heads up, Greg!
Thanks, Colleen–always good th hear your voice!
Graffin and Colleen–
Thanks both for your words of encouragement. The grumblings of treatment 7 have passed, and tomorrow I am officially 1/3 thru TMS. I still wish I could fast-forward the next 4 weeks–and I also wish I could force a positive outcome. This a.m. I was able to pretty easily load the washing machine–a small victory. Sooxie
PS I am ~70 pp. thru 3000 Pulses–and it is worth the read.Not sure what to write today. 7th treatment and I’m having a hard time being patient. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern and just sort of stuck. I want my next 23 sessions to be done so I can either a) feel improvement or b) try something else. Started 3000 Pulses today–hoping that distracts me.
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Thanks for your input, Colleen, and thank you for being honest re “short-lived down times.” Your progress offers me hope–your 90% and 98% are amazing. Today starts treatment #6–I’ll keep your story in mind as I proceed. Sooxie
PS. Tomorrow begins #6-10. Feeling hopeful.
Graffin–thanks for writing and detailing your experience. Lethargy is one of my main symptoms, though I’m not sure that is the right word for it since it’s kind of a hitch that prevents action. So, this is why I’m especially interested in anyone dealing with that. Your posts are always informative–thanks for taking the time. Sooxie
A question: what were the symptoms of depression that were resolved by TMS? How about ones that lingered? (I remember reading about someone’s brain fog and lethargy…)
End of treatment #5 and approaching the weekend. Wishing the sessions continued Saturday and Sunday…
Good info from both of you! My doctor does not allow sleeping, probably for the reason you cite, Colleen. And, Graffin, I like hearing that those little blips of sunshine may be evidence that the treatment is headed in the right direction. It is hard for me to quell my fears that this, like so many other things, will prove ineffective. I TRY to stay positive, but that almost feels like it’s jinxing myself. (I sound like I’m 12, but I’m 48…!)
Graffin and Greg–thanks both for writing. Today, treatment 4, I think I could have slept thru, so the intensity is lessening definitely. I asked about “turning up” the power and my doctor does not adjust unless we had to start at a weaker setting due to pain. I know I am only 4 sessions into it, but I swear running to the grocery store was easier than usual and I felt I could look people in the eye. Might have been due to coffee, though…
PS. I check back at least once a day, so if you have any insights re depression or TMS please write!
I finished my third treatment today and wanted to note a couple things. First off, the tapping has definitely lost some of its bite since Monday, which is great. (Honestly, though, I would bear whatever the discomfort to be able to complete TMS therapy. I’m desperate for something to work–as life has dwindled into a blur of naps and roboting thru the rest of the day.). Secondly, I am heartened by the community of voices this site offers. I am really realizing, 1/10th thru, that treatment is for the long haul and can’t be rushed. Many of you counsel patience–which I can’t hear enough. Plus, I appreciate all other anecdotes re fluctuations, dips, etc. All of this combines to make my walk a little easier. Thanks.
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I finished my second treatment today at 1pm. I can’t imagine anyone calling TMS “a gentle tapping,” though I know the sensation is as individualized as the outcome. I am thinking that 28 more sessions is a a huge investment–not just in terms of discomfort but also time and hope. I can really sympathize with users who gained no relief after 6 weeks of cautious optimism.
Colleen–Thanks so much for your input. It is very helpful to be reminded of the variety of responses people have, especially because a part of me is expecting a quick fix. (I may know intellectually that this is most likely not the case, but 12 months into this depressive episode I am ready for relief!). Please continue to offer insights–I will be checking back throughout treatment (which actually begins February 16)–
SooxieHello all–I begin TMS this Monday. Any words of wisdom?
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