Tagged: depression, TMS maintenance plan
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January 6, 2015 at 11:20 pm #4741
Hello,
Well its happening! I feel so grateful for this opportunity at TMS treatment.
Tomorrow will be my third treatment and I am still getting used to the woodpecker and the mild headache and finding it difficult to work.When you have never suffered depression its hard for other people to understand what we have gone through.
While I feel a little worse at the moment, I believe in this treatment.
Just have to give it time.January 8, 2015 at 9:04 pm #4744Hi Greg,
I just left you another note on the “Hi” chat page before I saw this one. I’m sooooo happy for you! And you’re right, no one can possibly understand what this illness feels like unless they’ve experience it for themselves. One thing I want to support you with is the process of TMS. It’s cumulative, and you may find just the relief of getting through the red tape of insurance, etc. and finally getting into that first TMS week very uplifting. Then the second week you realize that you really DO have to get to that appointment every day, but you don’t see any results because it’s a cumulative process that starts at the outermost part of your brain and the stimulation needs several consecutive treatments to start affecting deeper parts of your brain. Just HANG IN THERE! Most people won’t feel The TMS Lift as I call it, until the fourth week. AND–not that this will definitely happen to you–but I felt WORSE before I felt better during my third week of treatment because I guess my brain was waking up and reconnoitering itself. I call this phenomenon The TMS Dip. Mine only lasted bout 3 or 4 days. Then the morning after my 19th session I woke up and the entire world felt different. It wasn’t a dramatic, “Woo Hoo” feeling, but I definitely felt as if a dark cloud had been lifted and my feeling was, “Oh, I can do this life thing. I can get out of bed and do today.”I also recommend you keep a small book to journal each day during your six weeks treatment. It doesn’t have to be loonnnggg journal entries. Even if it’s one sentence, or one word or a number on a scale of 1 to 10 so you can look back on your entries and see your magnificent progress.
Keep us posted as to how you’re doing and please rely on us for support!
January 8, 2015 at 10:08 pm #4745Hi Martha,
Thanks so much for you words of encouragement.
Today was only my fourth treatment and the dreaded woodpecker didn’t feel so bad today after taking a couple of Advil before hand.I loved your book because our stories are so similar{right down to the rescue dog but I ended up with two of them}.
I have to thank you!!!! because without your book being handed to me by your friend Lisa.Well lets just say my hope was gone.As a matter of fact I was just skimming through your book again to see how you were at where I am.
It is very reassuring to see.
Finding it hard to work after treatments in the morning so I took next week off.
Thank God my TMS treatment is a five minute drive from my home!It’s wonderful to have some hope thanks to you!
January 9, 2015 at 12:14 pm #4746Greg:
You mentioned you were finding it difficult to work while undergoing treatment. I struggled some also. One thing that did help was I changed my work schedule. At first I would go to treatment in the morning (it was 2 hours away) and then went to work. I was able to work in the evening because I managed a residential facility. But I found I was quite tired after treatment. So I was able to alter my schedule to work early morning till mid afternoon. Then I went to treatment and went home. Even though it still was a challenge (well worth the undertaking), it became less of one with just that adjustment. If you have flexibility maybe a schedule change might help.Feelings and responses to treatment are fluid so each day is its own experience. As suggested by Martha, writing is a great tool. I wrote of my feelings and experiences of treatment everyday and now use it as a gratitude source.
Here’s to continued hope and support!
January 9, 2015 at 6:51 pm #4747Colleen,
Great advise! Thank you!!!!Today wasn’t bad at all.the Advil is they key.
I love the idea of having this experience as gratitude source so I will start to write.
I so appreciate all the support.January 10, 2015 at 5:18 pm #4748Greg:
I am happy the info is helpful. Your spirit is infectious! Often as the first week of treatment concludes, so to does the intensity of the discomfort. Can you believe you have a week of treatments behind you?! My best for the weekend.January 14, 2015 at 4:00 pm #4751Greg:
This is great news! Wishing you well and all my best during your treatment.
This is a start of a new beginning. Although, hard at first the treatments will get better and the depression will taper off. Transitioning from depression to wellness is a journey all it’s own that requires patients and understanding. Soon you will be on the other side and have a full understanding of what the magnitude of this illness has done to you and to so many others. Soon the fog will lift, brighter days are heading your way.All my best,
GregoryJanuary 15, 2015 at 2:22 pm #4753Thanks for all the support!
Today is my 9th treatment and nothing yet.I know I have to be patient but wow time is going by so slow.
Time is weird when your depressed anyway.
I am not looking forward to returning to work next week.
But I have one thing that was missing during my last major depressive episode and that’s HOPE.Greg
January 17, 2015 at 10:08 am #4754Greg:
Reading your post brought me to a place of reflection about the feelings I had in regard to working during treatment. No doubt it is a challenge. For me it became a positive (even though it didn’t feel that at the time) distraction from a constant and intense wonder and fear as to whether treatment was going to work. There may be an advantage to being there (even though it may not feel it or be apparent).Undergoing treatment can be a double T – Tough and Temporary. It is still early in treatment to have a definitive read in regard to the results. It is obvious that you use the powerful tool of Hope.
Greg, take good care of yourself. Your courage and strength have brought you this far in managing this illness and will continue to keep you steadfast.
Sending support.
January 17, 2015 at 5:39 pm #4755Hi Colleen and thanks for taking the time to write.
The treatments are getting easier so I hope to be able to push through work.The problem is that this particular episode of depression is one of my worst.
I can’t let any doubt about TMS working enter my mind because it’s what is keeping me from total despair.
It has been two weeks so I know relief is so close.But of coarse when you are depressed time just seems to go so slow.
My employer just does not understand depression and they are sick of hearing that I am sick and to be honest so am I.
It is people like you and the other wonderful people here that understand that gives me some comfort,Thanks for being here
January 19, 2015 at 4:48 pm #4760Greg:
Unfortunately depression is well misunderstood, partly because of the lack of visual cues signifying that there is an illness present. Sometimes we feel very much alone because there is so little, for others who do not suffer or who are not exposed to someone afflicted, to relate to.It is our illness and ultimately we are responsible for persisting against this and other challenges in order to manage our depression. Easy? no, not at all, especially at work. Continuing to communicate about depression and supporting public education will help with this issue.
There are those in life who have faced lesser challenges and others who have faced more difficult ones. Remember, it is what you do with your illness that is most important. And know that the appearance of a lack of empathy or patience from others may be related to a lack of experience and/or knowledge about depression.
Stay in touch.
January 19, 2015 at 7:36 pm #4761Week three started today!
Back to work and surviving.
Trying to take a different approach this week.
One day at a time and sometimes one minute.Keep a smile on my face and realize that I just a human being doing the best I can.
Fake it until you make it!January 20, 2015 at 3:35 pm #4766Quick question.{treatment # 12}
Did anyone have any sleep problems during treatment?Couldn’t sleep at all last night.
My energy level seems to be improving a bit.{I think} Maybe that could be it?Thanks
January 21, 2015 at 9:46 am #4780There are so many variables with sleep disturbance, it probably would be difficult to ascribe one cause but your TMS Coordinator or doctor may be able to help you identify more closely the cause, as they know your history. I hope this is a good sign Greg.
January 22, 2015 at 3:50 pm #4789Treatment # 14 this morning
I am cautiously optimistic this morning and feel something subtle is happening.
Still depressed for sure but it seems just a little less severe.
Over the last couple of days my panic attacks have disappeared!
It has been a couple of years of every morning panic.
I hate to even write this as though it may jinx it.This in in self is such a wonderful thing if it lasts.
Not to start the day with panic colors my whole day!
Like everyone else, I have thoughts of TMS not working for me. Murphy’s law has haunted me most of my life {my last name is Murphy} so just maybe I will escape this dreaded law this time.
Is it to early to feel these things?
If this truly gets rid of my depression I will be the most grateful man alive.January 23, 2015 at 10:33 pm #4791Greg:
It is great news about the improvement in your panic feelings!
Changes are noticeable for some patients early on and others later in treatment or even after the fact. Treatment is a unique experience unto itself.
I think Murphy’s Law needs to move on down the road and there is no way to jinx TMS! So one day at a time.
You reflect a positive attitude about confronting your illness in spite of its challenges – what an asset to possess.
Will look forward to hearing from you.January 28, 2015 at 5:57 pm #4797You are almost there… Transitioning into a mind that is becoming less depressed and more focused is much harder than it sounds. Now you are able to see the subtle changes that are vanishing or becoming less noticeable. In addition to many other symptoms that you may have never noticed. These are all good signs. Sleepless nights are common. So many different chemical reactions are taking place and clear thinking, more energy, racing thoughts are all part of this transitional period. I found this period extremely difficult. Soon you will be in the clear and as more time goes by the better you will start to feel. Enjoy those moments of wellness!!! Soon they will become your everyday!!! Panic attacks an anxiety were the last symptoms to vanish for me. After my treatment it took about 9-12 months for those to dissipate to tolerable levels. So glad to hear your treatment is working and wellness is in your soon to be future.
January 28, 2015 at 8:48 pm #4799treatment # 17 today
Wow, took a couple steps back it seems.
This could be the dip you all talk about.My panic came back with a vengeance the last two days and the positive feelings I had last week have left me.Thanks to you all that have described this dip so I can put this in the proper perspective.
Missed a treatment because of the snow on Tuesday but we are going to make it up on Saturday.January 28, 2015 at 10:49 pm #4800Greg:
It’s great that you wrote about your experience of stepping backwards so we can offer support. First and foremost is communicating this experience with your TMS Coordinator and your doctor on a consistent basis. Because everyone’s history and experience is different, they are your experts and they can help you more accurately identify what is happening and manage the occurrences daily (from a medically professional perspective).
As for the dip, I compare it to a swinging pendulum. It seems that sometimes TMS creates an experience of polar opposites. Before we go up into recovery, we reach further down into our illness. If the dip is what is occurring, it is short-lived (compared to what you have been through being depressed for a long period of time), although from moment to moment it may not seem like that.
Reach deep into yourself, as you have done to manage this illness and use all of your supports necessary to see you through. Self-care and self-compassion can be helpful.
Keep in touch.
February 3, 2015 at 3:49 pm #4807Just checking in with you Greg — I hope all is going well and you’re feeling The Lift more and more each day. Just a reminder that it’s the little things that are going to prove you’re on the upswing with this depression episode. No marching band will show up at your door, nor will there be angels opening the heavens with a Hallelujah Chorus. But based on your recent posts, especially about how you’re handling work these days, it seems like you’re doing well.
Be sure to discuss a maintenance plan with your doctor. I didn’t need one right away, but after 6 to 8 months I went back for single treatments and continue to do so every month now. Btw, I’ll be enjoying my FIFTH year anniversary of starting TMS this May, and although I’ve had a couple of brief relapses, I’m grateful that I have this wonderful tool to keep me medication-free and feeling as if I’m “in charge” of my depression.
February 3, 2015 at 4:36 pm #4808Hi Martha,
Thanks for checking in.
Seems I got a little better in the third week but today is my 21st treatment and to be honest I am not feeling that great.
I am hoping that this is just my dip and It will be better in a couple of days.HOPE it’s what keeps me going and I pray that this will work for me.
Not expecting miracles…..Just want to feel like I want to live when I get up in the morning.February 4, 2015 at 2:30 pm #4809Treatment 22
The doctor re-calibrated the machine today and turned it up.
With 14 treatments left I hope this will do the trick.
February 4, 2015 at 7:19 pm #4810Greg:
Sending hope and positive thoughts for an effective outcome to the recalibration. This is no doubt a challenging time. Sounds like your doctor is supportive and knowledgeable. Please keep us posted. Really pulling for you.February 4, 2015 at 7:54 pm #4811I just want to say thank you to all that have supported me in this quest to get well.
No matter what the outcome your support has meant so much to me.
I am just going to think positive and hope this all works it self out.
February 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm #4823Treatment # 25 today.
I don’t know whats going on and I am praying that this is not a coincidence.
It started yesterday morning when I woke up.
I actually feel like I want to live!
Like you said Martha, I couldn’t put it any better.It is a subtle but unmistakable feeling.
Trying not to get to excited but honestly,I think TMS is starting to work for me.
If this sticks it could change my life!
The treatments remaining are a full week, then three days,then two,and then one.
On top of all this, I just found out my insurance company just approved the remaining treatments.Its a good day!
Martha-words can’t describe how grateful I am that you wrote the book and somehow it got into my hands.
The support I have received in this forum has also been a gift that I will be forever grateful for.February 7, 2015 at 5:11 pm #4824Greg:
I am so hopeful for you. This sounds like the process; the brain waking up. It takes its time stretching and yawning and taking deep breaths slowly and methodically. Every successful TMS Treated patient and those who have not had success with treatment that I know, supports every other TMS Patient in treatment or considering TMS with hopeful wishes, so you are receiving positive vibes from all over. Thanks so much for posting. It is important that we all stay connected because of the importance of advocacy work in the Mental Health Field. Your journey is inspiring! Sending my best to you Greg. Keep us updated.
ColleenFebruary 11, 2015 at 3:20 pm #4843Treatment # 28
I wanted to say thanks again for all the support.It is just so helpful to have this site available and I plan on sticking around as to do some service.
Holding with good results since my initial “lift” at treatment #25.
This is my last week of treatments every day.Then go to three next week.
I have to say that I would love another full of treatment but I guess this is how it goes.TMS has saved me! I no longer have thoughts of suicide.My mood is good most of the time but I have had a bad day over the weekend, hoping it gets even better with time.
Greedy wouldn’t you say.
Have to stay away from toxic people and circumstances.One deli-ma is that I filed for disability and the trial will be coming up after waiting a year and half.
Just don’t know what to do.Love to work and have been for the last six months.However it can be very stressful.February 12, 2015 at 12:08 am #4848Greg:
This is such great news! The effects of treatment don’t end with treatment. The results are active and progressive many times for several months. One of the benefits of successful treatment is defined effectively in your statement about staying away from toxic people. Before that seemed like a challenge to me because I didn’t trust my instincts that someone was toxic. I thought I was the one in the wrong all of the time. After treatment it was clear and apparent who was toxic and I began trusting that inner voice.
There are also good and bad days without depression, sometimes initially (after treatment) it is confusing whether we are depressed or it is a normal bad day and we are sad, upset, angry, etc. As time goes on you gain understanding and clarity about it.
Enjoy the process – it is quite interesting.February 13, 2015 at 4:56 pm #485930th Treatment today,
Let me just say first that the team over at Dr Guerrera’s office has just been wonderful to me.
Coming in during snow storms to make sure I get treatment.Jenny my TMS technician is a saint.
Dr. Guerrera checks in almost daily and I just can’t say enough about these caring and professional people.
I would highly recommend this office if you live in the tri-state area.I have to say I feel like I am on the depression roller coaster.
One day I feel better than I have in years and the next I am fighting myself it seems.
It is very hard to describe.
My suicidal thoughts have definitely subsided.
It’s like I don’t know how not to be depressed.My energy is low and still find myself going to bed at 7:30 at night.
Yet there are times during the day that I feel great.Suffering from chronic pain is a complication, however my pain levels have certainly gone down from TMS.
Work is a constant stress battle and a big anxiety producer.
Don’t get me wrong I have benefited in a big way from TMS and maybe it’s just my brain re-adjusting.
Maybe just need to let go and stop analyzing every thought and feeling.Let the process happen.
I am not complaining at all just throwing my thoughts out there on this freezing cold Friday.February 14, 2015 at 7:32 pm #4862Hello all–I begin TMS this Monday. Any words of wisdom?
February 15, 2015 at 11:09 pm #4877Sooxie,
Being patient is one thought that comes to mind. Treatment takes quite a while and like Colleen said,when people are very depressed we just want that feeling to go away and fast.
Positive thoughts are important as well.
You had also mentioned in another post about being tired and I also feel that way.
It has improved and my hope is that it continues.I hope and pray that you will benefit from TMS.
February 16, 2015 at 3:03 pm #4878Greg:
How is it going? I am hoping you are/will experience a continual upswing.
February 16, 2015 at 4:19 pm #4880Hi Colleen,
I had my 31st treatment this morning and beginning the ‘wean”.
There is no doubt I am feeling better.I think that the process of TMS is still evolving for me.
It seems like a roller coaster of ups and downs but mostly ups.
Still suffering from anxiety and when these morning attacks come they seem to color my day in a detrimental way.
Positive thinking is my goal everyday!
Thanks for asking.February 17, 2015 at 12:22 am #4886Thanks for responding Greg. I think when TMS is effective is does evolve over time. My own doctor had TMS for depression and when we discussed the after treatment experience, we both noticed a continual motion upward (with moderate back slides occasionally) for about 9 months. It takes time for the process to activate the necessary movement in the brain and then continue until reaching a peak. What does your doctor say about your anxiety?
February 17, 2015 at 1:29 am #4890Colleen: I’d love to hear more about your nine month process. I’m in a spot where my treatment course is more or less over, and I’m better but not “back to normal”. I’ve heard about progress continuing when treatment is over for most patients and it’s hard to wrap my head around (not being all the way better at the end of treatment, but putting faith in the idea that you’ll get there with time/letting your brain do the rest on its own).
This was my first experience with depression, so i had a very clear idea of what it’s like to live without it. That makes lingering symptoms more frustrating.
February 17, 2015 at 1:58 am #4891Greg: For what it’s worth, once I ended my treatment course, I’ve noticed some morning anxiety for a few days after a booster. Hopefully you have a similar pattern and it settles down once you finish.
Don’t hesitate to get more treatments if you feel you need them.
February 17, 2015 at 2:35 pm #4892Thanks for the info Graffin and Colleen,
You hit it right on the head with the morning anxiety.Good to know that this will possible go away.
I do think more treatments would be beneficial.
Talk to Doctor on Wednesday and will see where we go from here.February 17, 2015 at 7:24 pm #4893GraffinLA:
Because I don’t have a medical background I was trying to think of an analogy that would be able to describe some of the after TMS Treatment process I have experienced. I don’t know if it is generically similar for others. What came to mind was this: the beginning of life starts and grows in the mother’s womb. At birth, when out of the rich, resourceful environment, the growth does not stop. Life’s beginnings were in the womb, but the life continues to grow on its own after birth. TMS seems to me to be similar. The brain gets its “start” during the electrical charge produced by the magnetic energy released during treatment, which causes movement and growth in brain chemistry. It’s not immediate. It takes repeated treatments to initiate the process and for it’s growth to respond on a continuum. And hopefully, it does. Once treatment is ended, the growth continues on its own until it reaches its peak (or adulthood so to speak).
The after TMS experience for me has been “wild.” I wish I had a more sophisticated descriptive but wild fits so well. I noticed small positive changes at first. It slowly continued to progress to more often, feeling positive, or not depressed for longer durations in time. Sometimes changes were noticeably abrupt. For example, I would say or do something I would never have done when I was depressed and then suddenly ask myself, “Did I just say or do that?” I lacked developmentally many skills needed for managing life as an adult and have had to journey through that territory with focus, mindfulness and intent. It has been a roller coaster ride, but one that I would gladly repeat!
The most striking and impactful change I would say though is the clarity that continues to develop in my thinking which allows for a continuum of growth in maturity, responsibility, insightfulness and action, which I hope never stops. It is a challenge at times, but one I would gladly engage in over the debilitating lethargy l used to experience.
I hope this clarifies some of the experience. I could write a book, the experiences have been vast and abundant but am trying to be cognizant of not doing that here.
I hope you experience this also. Life after TMS has a quality that seems impossible to describe but I hope I opened a window.
Keep connected.
February 17, 2015 at 7:31 pm #4894Greg:
I am hopeful for your conversation with your doctor tomorrow. Let us know how it goes as I wish you success with this.February 18, 2015 at 3:35 am #4899Thanks for the thorough response 🙂 The challenge for me is that I lived depression free for my whole life and was extremely functional and successful professionally. I went from that to being too foggy/tired to drive for a good chunk of last year, so it’s a tough transition.
The good news is I’m on the upswing thanks to TMS and getting back to intense exercise. But I’m not going to settle for being less than what I was before this episode.
So it’s a difficult place to be. I envisioned finishing treatment and feeling good as new, clearly that’s not how it works for some of us. Where I’m at right now isn’t acceptable long term, so I’m hoping to get some support from the community here that things do continue improving after you’ve finished treatment.
February 19, 2015 at 6:27 pm #4911Graffin,
Just wanted to say how happy I am for you on your upswing.
Depression is definitely the hardest thing I have ever been through.I am on my “wean” and I can say it was so worth getting treatment.
Like you I would love to be pre-depression better and still have hope for that.
Especially after reading all the posts about feeling even better when treatment is finished.
Clarity is something that feels a lot stronger.
To be quite honest I would love some more treatments and will talk to the Doc about that however I think my insurance may close the door on that,
Who knows?February 19, 2015 at 8:57 pm #4913Greg:
Insurance companies are progressing towards covering treatments past the initial set of treatments. Hopefully your doctor will be able to get involved in a request. Good luck with it.February 27, 2015 at 5:35 pm #4946Hi Fellow TMSers,
Just finished my 36th today.
When I started my wean it seems I came down quite a bit from my high point as far as feeling better.
My Great Doctor has received approval for 10 more treatments which is a beautiful thing.
This Doctor has been just terrific!We are going to try three a week and see what happens.
If it was up to me I would be going every day for the rest of my life.
Wishing all the best to all who are going through treatments and all of you caring people here who have supported me on my journey to find hope and wellness.February 27, 2015 at 6:24 pm #4951Greg:
What great news! It is reassuring to hear of yet another doctor who is caring, respectful, responsible and professional in his/her endeavors to help with this illness. There is scientific evidence that gratitude is helpful in living a more positive life and you certainly reveal that you are in your writings. It takes a community or team to conquer most challenges in this life and it seems like that is a strong framework for your efforts. Keep forging ahead. You have a great combination of efforts from a multitude of sources for hope.March 5, 2015 at 8:40 am #4970Thinking of you Greg.
March 5, 2015 at 3:31 pm #4973Thanks Colleen!
Just taking it a day at a time.The process for me so far has been that of roller coaster.
Some days I feel pretty good but most days it feels as though something is fighting the TMS.
9 treatments left and hopeful.
Also making a effort to stay in the present.March 5, 2015 at 6:31 pm #4974Greg:
I am pulling for you every step of the way. You are inspiring sir, very inspiring!- This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by colleencasey.
March 18, 2015 at 2:45 pm #5016Greg:
How are you doing?March 19, 2015 at 10:53 pm #5031Hi Colleen,
Thanks for asking and I hope you are doing well.
I have my last two treatments out of 46 next week.
Unfortunately we just found out my sister has late stage pancreatic cancer.
We are a very close family and both of us have been caring for my elderly parents.It’s hard to describe how this has effected my treatment and depression.
.
Got to dig out of this hole and see where I stand.March 19, 2015 at 11:55 pm #5033Hi Greg,
I’m new to this site. I just started TMS treatments yesterday. I just wanted to say that I’m very, very sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts are with you. -
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