Years ago I had 2 failed suicide attempts in a 24 hour period. I tried to OD on Klonopin, and when that failed I cut my wrists open. Thank God, my husband was watching me like a hawk, unbeknownst to me.

I was hospitalized for 1 week and released with an arsenal of meds that left me numb, foggy, and out of touch. Weeks later I suffered a psychotic break. An entire day passed and I didn’t recognize my son, and I thought my husband was someone else. We’d been out of state with a football clinic and I don’t remember a thing. However, when we got home, our daughter was there and I remember introducing her to my husband! Her father! I remember leaning down and whispering in her ear that he wouldn’t stop following me and I didn’t know why?

Back to the hospital where they kept me 2 weeks and introduced me to electric shock treatments. Was horrific! My short term memory was COMPLETELY shot during the treatments and for many months following. My family could only visit me on Sunday’s, but the day after my first treatment they had to see me at the ER where I’d been transported to due to an excruciating migraine. (Common side-effect.)

The benefits of those treatments were temporary. The following summer I went through another round (10) of treatments. This time my daughter gave me a journal to keep my thoughts in hoping it would help with my short term memory. Didn’t. That round left me a total zombie. I didn’t feel anything. Happiness, sadness, love, hope…nothing. (I have to add that the short term memory is affected so badly, you aren’t allowed to drive because you may get lost!)
At least that’s why I was told I couldn’t drive.

Again, temporary fix. The next summer I had a dr. (who wasn’t my psychiatrist) introduce me to TMS. I studied the info I was given, did my research, read patient reviews, and decided to go for it.

My first consult with the TMS dr was exactly one week to the day we buried my younger brother. He suffered from bipolar depression and knew me better than I knew myself. He could take one look at me and know what I was feeling. He had shot himself in the head, and I thought I’d never be able to get over it. A month prior, my youngest daughter married and moved. A month after my brother’s death, my son moved to college 4 hours away.

That summer should’ve been my undoing. It would’ve been, but it wasn’t. I started TMS immediately, and improved after only 4 treatments. **Now I referred a friend and she didn’t improve till months after her treatments were over.** I kept encouraging her to finish her treatments. She had made it that far, why stop then? She’s been good for over a year now . For me? It’s been two and a half years!!!

I have my bad days, but doesn’t everyone? Even children. So give yourself a break if you’re not smiling and happy every single day. It’s okay…you’re only human. February, 2020, clinical depression was officially removed from my diagnosis. I still see my psychiatrist to keep me grounded, and I’m even surviving the Pandemic.

I’m also off all my medicines. Now wait a minute…this step isn’t for everyone. And it’s not a bad thing if you’re still on meds. It just wasn’t for me. I’ve read a lot of patients are still on medicines that didn’t really help them till after the TMS. The TMS acts like a booster. That’s what I was originally told to expect.

I’m the me I remember from a very different lifetime ago. One I thought would never exist again. You see, I was at a point that I was willing to try anything, and go through anything, to get better. Medicines and treatments alone are not going to improve you. YOU have to improve you. You have to take the steps because no one else can do it for you.

I help my story will encourage or even answer questions you weren’t sure how to ask. TMS was my lifesaver. I’ll for always be grateful it was put in my path. Just remember there is hope and there is a better tomorrow, but it has to start with you. Good luck!


TMS was my lifesaver. I’ll for always be grateful it was put in my path. Just remember there is hope and there is a better tomorrow