1st week of treatment

Hi Greg,
I just left you another note on the “Hi” chat page before I saw this one. I’m sooooo happy for you! And you’re right, no one can possibly understand what this illness feels like unless they’ve experience it for themselves. One thing I want to support you with is the process of TMS. It’s cumulative, and you may find just the relief of getting through the red tape of insurance, etc. and finally getting into that first TMS week very uplifting. Then the second week you realize that you really DO have to get to that appointment every day, but you don’t see any results because it’s a cumulative process that starts at the outermost part of your brain and the stimulation needs several consecutive treatments to start affecting deeper parts of your brain. Just HANG IN THERE! Most people won’t feel The TMS Lift as I call it, until the fourth week. AND–not that this will definitely happen to you–but I felt WORSE before I felt better during my third week of treatment because I guess my brain was waking up and reconnoitering itself. I call this phenomenon The TMS Dip. Mine only lasted bout 3 or 4 days. Then the morning after my 19th session I woke up and the entire world felt different. It wasn’t a dramatic, “Woo Hoo” feeling, but I definitely felt as if a dark cloud had been lifted and my feeling was, “Oh, I can do this life thing. I can get out of bed and do today.”

I also recommend you keep a small book to journal each day during your six weeks treatment. It doesn’t have to be loonnnggg journal entries. Even if it’s one sentence, or one word or a number on a scale of 1 to 10 so you can look back on your entries and see your magnificent progress.

Keep us posted as to how you’re doing and please rely on us for support!

Greg:
You mentioned you were finding it difficult to work while undergoing treatment. I struggled some also. One thing that did help was I changed my work schedule. At first I would go to treatment in the morning (it was 2 hours away) and then went to work. I was able to work in the evening because I managed a residential facility. But I found I was quite tired after treatment. So I was able to alter my schedule to work early morning till mid afternoon. Then I went to treatment and went home. Even though it still was a challenge (well worth the undertaking), it became less of one with just that adjustment. If you have flexibility maybe a schedule change might help.

Feelings and responses to treatment are fluid so each day is its own experience. As suggested by Martha, writing is a great tool. I wrote of my feelings and experiences of treatment everyday and now use it as a gratitude source.

Here’s to continued hope and support!

Greg:
I am happy the info is helpful. Your spirit is infectious! Often as the first week of treatment concludes, so to does the intensity of the discomfort. Can you believe you have a week of treatments behind you?! My best for the weekend.

There are so many variables with sleep disturbance, it probably would be difficult to ascribe one cause but your TMS Coordinator or doctor may be able to help you identify more closely the cause, as they know your history. I hope this is a good sign Greg.

Greg:

It is great news about the improvement in your panic feelings!
Changes are noticeable for some patients early on and others later in treatment or even after the fact. Treatment is a unique experience unto itself.
I think Murphy’s Law needs to move on down the road and there is no way to jinx TMS! So one day at a time.
You reflect a positive attitude about confronting your illness in spite of its challenges – what an asset to possess.
Will look forward to hearing from you.

Just checking in with you Greg — I hope all is going well and you’re feeling The Lift more and more each day. Just a reminder that it’s the little things that are going to prove you’re on the upswing with this depression episode. No marching band will show up at your door, nor will there be angels opening the heavens with a Hallelujah Chorus. But based on your recent posts, especially about how you’re handling work these days, it seems like you’re doing well.

Be sure to discuss a maintenance plan with your doctor. I didn’t need one right away, but after 6 to 8 months I went back for single treatments and continue to do so every month now. Btw, I’ll be enjoying my FIFTH year anniversary of starting TMS this May, and although I’ve had a couple of brief relapses, I’m grateful that I have this wonderful tool to keep me medication-free and feeling as if I’m “in charge” of my depression.

Greg:

I am so hopeful for you. This sounds like the process; the brain waking up. It takes its time stretching and yawning and taking deep breaths slowly and methodically. Every successful TMS Treated patient and those who have not had success with treatment that I know, supports every other TMS Patient in treatment or considering TMS with hopeful wishes, so you are receiving positive vibes from all over. Thanks so much for posting. It is important that we all stay connected because of the importance of advocacy work in the Mental Health Field. Your journey is inspiring! Sending my best to you Greg. Keep us updated.
Colleen

Greg:
This is such great news! The effects of treatment don’t end with treatment. The results are active and progressive many times for several months. One of the benefits of successful treatment is defined effectively in your statement about staying away from toxic people. Before that seemed like a challenge to me because I didn’t trust my instincts that someone was toxic. I thought I was the one in the wrong all of the time. After treatment it was clear and apparent who was toxic and I began trusting that inner voice.
There are also good and bad days without depression, sometimes initially (after treatment) it is confusing whether we are depressed or it is a normal bad day and we are sad, upset, angry, etc. As time goes on you gain understanding and clarity about it.
Enjoy the process – it is quite interesting.

Hello all–I begin TMS this Monday. Any words of wisdom?

Greg:

How is it going? I am hoping you are/will experience a continual upswing.

Thanks for responding Greg. I think when TMS is effective is does evolve over time. My own doctor had TMS for depression and when we discussed the after treatment experience, we both noticed a continual motion upward (with moderate back slides occasionally) for about 9 months. It takes time for the process to activate the necessary movement in the brain and then continue until reaching a peak. What does your doctor say about your anxiety?

Greg: For what it’s worth, once I ended my treatment course, I’ve noticed some morning anxiety for a few days after a booster. Hopefully you have a similar pattern and it settles down once you finish.

Don’t hesitate to get more treatments if you feel you need them.

GraffinLA:

Because I don’t have a medical background I was trying to think of an analogy that would be able to describe some of the after TMS Treatment process I have experienced. I don’t know if it is generically similar for others. What came to mind was this: the beginning of life starts and grows in the mother’s womb. At birth, when out of the rich, resourceful environment, the growth does not stop. Life’s beginnings were in the womb, but the life continues to grow on its own after birth. TMS seems to me to be similar. The brain gets its “start” during the electrical charge produced by the magnetic energy released during treatment, which causes movement and growth in brain chemistry. It’s not immediate. It takes repeated treatments to initiate the process and for it’s growth to respond on a continuum. And hopefully, it does. Once treatment is ended, the growth continues on its own until it reaches its peak (or adulthood so to speak).

The after TMS experience for me has been “wild.” I wish I had a more sophisticated descriptive but wild fits so well. I noticed small positive changes at first. It slowly continued to progress to more often, feeling positive, or not depressed for longer durations in time. Sometimes changes were noticeably abrupt. For example, I would say or do something I would never have done when I was depressed and then suddenly ask myself, “Did I just say or do that?” I lacked developmentally many skills needed for managing life as an adult and have had to journey through that territory with focus, mindfulness and intent. It has been a roller coaster ride, but one that I would gladly repeat!

The most striking and impactful change I would say though is the clarity that continues to develop in my thinking which allows for a continuum of growth in maturity, responsibility, insightfulness and action, which I hope never stops. It is a challenge at times, but one I would gladly engage in over the debilitating lethargy l used to experience.

I hope this clarifies some of the experience. I could write a book, the experiences have been vast and abundant but am trying to be cognizant of not doing that here.

I hope you experience this also. Life after TMS has a quality that seems impossible to describe but I hope I opened a window.

Keep connected.

Thanks for the thorough response 🙂 The challenge for me is that I lived depression free for my whole life and was extremely functional and successful professionally. I went from that to being too foggy/tired to drive for a good chunk of last year, so it’s a tough transition.

The good news is I’m on the upswing thanks to TMS and getting back to intense exercise. But I’m not going to settle for being less than what I was before this episode.

So it’s a difficult place to be. I envisioned finishing treatment and feeling good as new, clearly that’s not how it works for some of us. Where I’m at right now isn’t acceptable long term, so I’m hoping to get some support from the community here that things do continue improving after you’ve finished treatment.

Greg:
Insurance companies are progressing towards covering treatments past the initial set of treatments. Hopefully your doctor will be able to get involved in a request. Good luck with it.

Greg:
What great news! It is reassuring to hear of yet another doctor who is caring, respectful, responsible and professional in his/her endeavors to help with this illness. There is scientific evidence that gratitude is helpful in living a more positive life and you certainly reveal that you are in your writings. It takes a community or team to conquer most challenges in this life and it seems like that is a strong framework for your efforts. Keep forging ahead. You have a great combination of efforts from a multitude of sources for hope.

Greg:
How are you doing?

Hi Greg,
I’m new to this site. I just started TMS treatments yesterday. I just wanted to say that I’m very, very sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts are with you.