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I also felt this was a big risky step to try TMS. I had my doubts and fear. For a while it made my anxiety even worse. After treatment ended my anxiety lessened.
Like you I am DONE with antidepressants. They never worked for me. Just bad side effects. So now my main goal is to stop taking the zanex but my anxiety is still too intense. I’m still depressed as well. This suffering has been going on for almost 12 years.
Hopefully you will feel that delayed effect some have experienced after TMS is done. Hopefully before that! At least you know you tried it.
Blessings!
Sorry to hear that it didn’t work for you. I feel the same way too. 30 painful treatments, tapering and I don’t feel one bit better. I’m very, very disappointed to say the least.
I finished in May and wondered the same thing – now what? It gives me anxiety thinking that I will never feel like myself again.
I have thyroid problems so I’m looking into that. I don’t know what else to do. I felt like the tms was the last chance at getting my life back.
Blessings to you.
lunarafire,
Anxiety is the absolute worse! I think I felt less anxious the first week I was completely finished.
I agree that the FDA needs to do more testing. It’s the same problem with the antidepressants – they aren’t testing for long enough to see long term outcomes. They take the highest percentage with the best results and only report on that. Some of the drug companies are including the ‘good’ results from people who took a placebo and adding that into success rates. Unbelievable.
Are they telling you that there may be a delayed effect and you may feel better in weeks or months from now? I feel like I was ripped off. I owe thousands of dollars and still feel terrible.
I hope your anxiety will improve and you will feel be one of the people this works for. Blessings.
lunarafire,
My anxiety got worse during my tms sessions too. It also messed with my sleep. I had such a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. After I finished my anxiety became much less. It went back to what it was before.
I finished in the middle of May and feel just as crappy as I did before tms. They say that there can be a delayed effect and that results show up weeks or months afterwards. Wish they would have told me that in the promising pamphlet I was given.
I understand how you feel like this is such a big regret. It’s a total let down as well. So here I am back where I started with even less hope than before.
I’ve been praying that tms will somehow work for me and all those who are trying it.
Kate,
Sorry to hear you’re not feeling any better. Neither am I. I finished in mid May. I’m so discouraged and really let down. This sounded like it had so much promise. So here I am still dragging myself through every day. Can’t help but feel hopeless at this point. TMS is a hard thing to go through and takes SO VERY MUCH effort to end up with no results.
I think the success rates we are being given need to be reevaluated.
12 weeks ago I started TMS. 4 weeks ago was the taper. I am SO disappointed. I don’t feel one bit better. Still waiting for this delayed reaction. No one notices any changes in me. I would give up but I have nothing to give up. My life sucks and it looks like I will feel this horrible pain for the rest of my life.
Where does all this hype and false hope come from that TMS works? I think the success rate is WRONG! There are very few success stories, but that’s all that’s highlighted when trying to sell this. I’m angry as well as unbelievably depressed.
On the last score sheet I filled out I finally admitted that I do think about killing myself. There’s nothing to live for except another excruciating day full of pain and no motivation.
Colleen- I did look into Vagus Nerve Stimulation. It’s basically the same hit or miss game as TMS. The dr has to do adjusting to see what/if it works. This can take up to 9 months. You said anesthesia put you back into a depression. Why would I do that?
My heart is broken. My children don’t have a good mom. I can’t do anything. I can’t stand another minute of this, let alone a lifetime.
Kate,
I know how you are feeling. I felt worse too after several weeks and no change. I finished treatments in mid May and still feel very depressed. They say there can be a delayed response but I still feel nothing.
I have children so I have a ‘purpose’ and I am trying to keep up with a few activities for myself. But everything seems like such a burden and overwhelms me. I force myself through each day and worry that tms is yet another dead end for me.
Hopefully you will see results because you aren’t done yet. Best wishes for you.
I was having trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep and waking earlier too. Now that I’m done with tms my sleep is back to normal. I have less anxiety too. I’m still very depressed and I’m sleeping more because of it. I finished treatments and tapering in mid May and am still waiting for results. I too am worried all of this has done nothing for me. It’s hard to stay positive when there’s no change day after day, week after week.
Good luck to you.
I feel cursed too. I’ve been depressed for over 10 years. No meds have ever helped me. They just leave me with bad side effects. In another post I listed all of the things I’ve tried to get rid of this black cloud. People say not to give up and keep searching. I have exhausted all of the remedies.
If I ever feel better I will be shouting from the roof tops to let people know!
My dr tells me the same thing you and everyone else says – wait,wait,wait to see results. I’ve exhausted this ‘search’ for a cure. I’ve tried meds, vitamins, yoga, acupuncture, counseling, exercise, message, support groups, hypnosis. I’ve read a million books and articles about overcoming depression. Eventually it’s just the same advice over and over. The article about implanting something in my brain to stimulate it sounds just like tms. There’s no time frame of when it would start working – up to 9 months later – and there are still adjustments after the surgery is done. I’ve already read about that and it sounds just as risky/unreliable as the tms was.
Face it, some people just don’t recover. Looks like I’m one of them.
I know the feeling. I finished my 6 weeks and did the 3 weeks of tapering. I’ve been done for 2 weeks. So after all that I too am not feeling any better. I keep hearing that the effects can kick in weeks or months afterwards. I still feel horribly depressed, even more now that I see no results from something I put so much hope in.
The only advice I get from my dr and here is to wait and see if I feel better eventually. I’m so disgusted with being depressed. I have tried so much. I don’t believe there is anything else to try.
You’re not done yet so maybe you will feel better. They say it may happen very slowly. So be aware for even the smallest change. Good luck!
I’ m done tapering and still feel majorly depressed. Not feeling any better than when I started is adding to my depression. This stinks.
Mass,
Wow, your plate is full for sure. It really is hard raising kids while dealing with depression and the daily treatments. You are so strong and determined. Do you realize that? If not remember that I told you that. 😊 It’s so helpful to have even the slightest bit of encouragement during this time.
Have you been feeling any better after the treatments?
Thank you Colleen,
I’m not feeling any better, just more let down. I did my 6 weeks of tms and 2 weeks of tapering. That’s 8 weeks and still no results. I’m supposed to do my last single treatment next week to finish the tapering but see no point in wasting my time.
I have a really hard time concentrating and getting interested in anything too. It is so hard to do and makes life so boring. The days drag on and this increases my anxiety because I feel guilty for not doing anything. The simple solution (for those who aren’t depressed) would be to just go do something!
Colleen is right. A distraction does help, yet it’s still hard to really get into anything. I forced myself to do some basic things like laundry or pay bills on line. Anything so I don’t have to put all the effort in to leaving the house.
I did go to a yoga class this morning with a fake smile forced on my face.
Warrior, you’ve made it so far. You’re past the half way point. Like I’ve said before – if we hadn’t tried this we wouldn’t be so far a long in the treatment. We don’t have to wonder if it would have worked or not. We’re well on our way to finding out. I’m still praying we will see results, get relief and will be able to help others like Colleen does for us.
There are a lot of things I discovered about tms that weren’t explained to me or that I never read about. I found this blog after starting my sessions. I experience a lot of pain every time I go. I’ve finished the 6 weeks and the pain never decreased. I also thought that feeling better came gradually. Now they tell me I may not feel better until a month or more after I’m all done. That was a big let down.
So be ready to ride it out. It’s a real commitment on your part to go through this. You must be really determined and that’s great. I hope you see improvement soon. That’s what we all want.
Yes, I’ve experienced this. It takes me several minutes to get re-oriented after the treatments. It was much more intense when I first started. I’ve finished my 6 weeks and am now tapering down. I still feel like I need to collect myself after all that stimulation has been shot into my brain.
I found that just sitting down and waiting for a while helped me before I have to leave to drive home. I hope things get better for you.
What a let down. I also had trouble getting to sleep last night even though I was tired all day. I was awake until 1:00 AM. Then I have to get up at 7:00 AM to get my kids ready for school. This is another one of the unknowns I deal with daily. I never know if I’ll be able to get to sleep right away or will I lay awake for 2-3 hours.
Many times, like you Warrior, I have felt that after an active day I would surely get a good nights sleep. Other days I’ve spent the day on the couch, napping, and then I fall asleep easily. I don’t get it. This sleep disruption has started after I began the tms treatments.
Colleen – thank you again for your encouragement. When I read your comments to us about the strength that’s needed to deal with all of this, the respect we deserve and considering us amazing is truly a breath of fresh air. Warrior I hope these words are helping you somehow too.
Only 2 tapers this week. Let’s see if I can make it through without crying before, during or after. I always feel worse after each session.
Warrior, I’ve had many days like that. You are not alone on that one. They are rough and it stinks. I’m glad to hear you got out and even exercised. That’s A LOT! You’re motivating me now. Make sure you think about all those good things you accomplished when the dread starts to set in later. I get that same feeling too. It’s hard to start to feel better knowing that this vicious cycle will start again the next morning.
I have been having little moments of relief, or so it seems, the last 2 days. Like fleeting moments of feeling better. Then I go back to feeling overwhelmed about all my responsibilities and feeling like I’m not getting any where in life.
Let’s give ourselves some credit for these positives we’ve experienced. Maybe this is what people mean when they say the results come in many different ways. I felt better after hearing from Colleen that she too experienced the frustration that we’re feeling when she went through her tms. I was getting sick of hearing the generic answers about waiting until tms is done, etc. I feel her input was the first real thing I could relate to. That made me want to Keep_Hoping!!
I’m so sorry to hear that. They are telling me the same thing about my scores rising but I’m not feeling any better either. After all this time we’ve put in it’s heart breaking to still feel so bad. Next week I taper down to 2 days for the week. They’re still telling me I could feel the effects weeks or months after tapering is done.
I was talking to a friend and she was reminding me that the delayed effect may eventually kick in. I’m getting sick of hearing that. It only makes me feel more depressed. People don’t understand how hard it is to suffer for so long, day after day, and then still have to wait, wait, wait. I’m afraid it won’t work on me at all.
It’s good news that you’re noticing changes, even if they seem distant. That’s more than I’m feeling. You’ve still got 2 weeks to go and then taper, so there’s still time for change. Does your dr give you anything to help you sleep? Maybe taking something temporarily would help. It’s extremely hard to function on little sleep and feel anxious on top of it. But you still keep going! That’s great. Make sure you give yourself credit for that. Make a mental note of all the things you DID do each day. After I look back on the day, many times I realize I actually did do more than I realized. You will too.
Here’s hoping this is the week you see and feel some changes. I have such a hard time getting the smallest things done too. I have no energy or motivation and feel overwhelmed by everything. Today was really bad for me as far as my mood. I’m really down and back to crying. I feel like changing my screen name to Still Waiting or When Will This Ever End.
Tomorrow is my last tms for the first week of tapering. Next week I only have 2 treatments. I’ve been talking to a counselor weekly since I started tms. I think it’s helping me to see things in a different, better way. I think a lot of depression, at least for me, is the negative thinking. I need to stop it before it brings me down too far. I wasn’t too successful with practicing that today.
Someone said something about having a back up plan if the tms doesn’t work. Well, tms was my back up plan. Meds don’t work for me and I’m on counseling, again, so I don’t know what’s left.
Colleen – It’s very easy to relate to someone when I feel like I’m reading their comments as my very own thoughts and feelings. I didn’t think of commenting on the message boards as reaching out. But you are right, it is. Thanks for pointing that out.
Warrior – I’ve read and been told that others may notice we’re improving before we do. Not fair! There’s so much to learn about this tms. I wish it worked in a more measurable way. I have trouble getting to sleep at night and then feel so tired in the morning. I can sleep for 10 hours before waking on my own and finally getting out of bed. It seems the Zanex helped me fall asleep much faster before the tms. I want to stop taking it completely to be off all meds. It’s hard waking up in the morning to get my kids off to school. I always end up going back to sleep after they leave. If I don’t then I end up dragging through the day even more than usual.
Maybe once the tapering stops my sleep will get better.
I am so happy that you’ve stuck with it and are half way done! The first day I went I swore I’d never go back. Look how far we’ve come. We have to keep going. We have to believe what others are telling us – we are brave, strong and sure as heck determined!
Yes, I think the dips and lifts come and go randomly. My depression felt worse after I started. I had no relief or lifts during the 6 weeks that I just finished. I did my first day of tapering Monday. So only 3 dreadfully painful sessions this week. After having the weekend off Mondays always hurt more.
But last Sunday I think I had what they’re describing as a lift because the worry, heaviness, unmotivation etc were gone for the entire day. Even into the evening and night I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off me and the black cloud over my head was gone. I thought my prayers were finally answered. I couldn’t get to sleep because I was planning all the things I was going to do even before my tms session in the afternoon.
Then Monday morning reared it’s ugly head and I’m back to feeling depressed. SO disappointing. My tms coordinator said this is a good sign. Soon I could have a couple of good days in a row and it will last longer from there. But now that I’m back to feeling down it’s hard to believe things will ever change. Now I guess I go back to waiting, and that’s just so painful. Easy for people who aren’t depressed or never have been to give advice.
Prayers for the healing to begin NOW, not later.
No, you most definitely are not a failure. But I know the feeling and the struggle to think positive and stay hopeful when the depression is hanging so heavy over our heads. Thank you for the prayers. I pray for others too.
I would like to hear more stories too about how things work out for people after finishing treatment. It might be up to us to share our success stories for those who start treatment after us. I was disappointed to learn that results may not start to be seen until after treatment is over.
Hang in there!
I know how you feel! You said “I’m feeling very discouraged and like this will never end and I’ll never get back to myself.” This is exactly where I’m at. I think this all the time. No meds have worked for me and I’ve tried over 20.
I tend to sleep more when I’m really depressed. But I go through periods of bad anxiety and then I have trouble sleeping too. I feel like my sleep has been worse since I started the TMS. I just finished my 6 weeks and start the tapering Monday. I’m hoping my sleep will get better once I finish.
I, too, struggle with the negative thinking. If you look under the topic “Treatment number 14 today;needing encouragement” there’s a post written from Buddy on 5/7/16 that you might find very helpful.
Inbox
xColleen and Buddy,
Thank you for all the input. As I read your posts I feel so much better knowing that you both truly know the depths of depression. I start my tapering on Monday the 9th and am still waiting for some improvement.
I started seeing a counselor the same week I started TMS. They are all telling me the same things about having a gradual, delayed effect. I had no idea this was possible when I started. I assumed there was gradual, weekly progress. So my expectations have added to my disappointment. All of these variables should be explained to patients before starting treatment.
I told the counselor that the main thing on my mind is the depression. I think about how bad I feel, how to get rid of it, will it ever go away, and on and on. I’m putting more hope in changing my negative thinking, reducing my worry and all of those things Buddy said about old thought patterns being like ruts in our brain, etc.
I am done with my 6 weeks of daily TMS treatments!!!! I can’t believe it’s over. Now I will taper off for the next 3 weeks.
I do the treatments in the afternoon and end up crying every day by the evening. I don’t feel better. Was this all a waste of time or will it kick in eventually? Wait, wait, wait. I’ve been waiting over 10 years for this depression to lift. I’m really losing hope. I feel so down.
Yes, “what the heck have I gotten myself into” is a frequent thought of mine too. I noticed feeling more irritable for a period of about 2 weeks. Thanks for sharing Colleen.
Kate,
I had headaches for the first week. They told me I must have a low threshold for pain because most people are used to it by the end of the first week.I’m going to start my last week 6 on Monday and still have not gotten used to the “light tapping” as it was explained to me before starting treatment. Through this forum I’ve learned that it is considered a medical procedure. It sure is! But that helps me tolerate it a little bit more.
They keep adjusting the pad that presses against my head but nothing relieves the pain. I still cry most of the days I go. I can’t believe people have reportedly fallen asleep during the pounding. It feels like nails are being pounded into my skull.
The main thing that has kept me going is that if I would have quit that first week or even now, I’ll never know if it would or will work for me. There’s just no easy way for some of us I guess.
Please try to keep going so that we can both have success stories to share and encourage others. I never thought I’d be giving advice when I started this season of my life. Keep going!!!
I’m finishing week 5 tomorrow and feel more depressed each passing week with no results. I feel guilty for being a terrible mother. I never have energy to do all the things I’d like to do with my kids. I feel like a waste of a human life. What’s the point of being alive if I can’t do anything but cry?
Does it really matter if I finish this final week? Then there’s still the 3 weeks to taper. This is yet another let down and loss of hope after trying SO MANY things to get some relief from this never ending nightmare of constant suffering. It’s been over 10 years. How much can one person suffer????
Colleen,
They are saying that I may not feel any better until after treatments are done. One of them told me I may not be seeing results but people around me may notice changes. Great, so I feel better but don’t know it?
I get more discouraged after finishing each week and still not seeing the slightest improvement. Tomorrow I start week 5. During the last session of week 4 cried the entire time thinking this has been a big, painful waste of my time.
How is everyone doing? I assume by now that all of you are done with treatments. I finished my 4th week today and still feel so depressed.
I’m on my 4th week. I’ve had 17 treatments and don’t feel one bit better. It still hurts so much. I feel like this is a cruel joke someone is playing on me. Keep going, endure the pain, and still remain majorly depressed. Meds don’t work on me (tried over 20) so I’m out of any options after this. My sleep is messed up, that’s about it. I’m even more discouraged than when I started.
I dread the thought of another day filled with anxiety and hopelessness. I have been back in counseling for about 4 weeks but don’t even know what to talk about. It’s just me complaining about being depressed. I can’t stand it any more. I cry every day.
Thank you so much. It was going in my spam folder.
Colleen,
I changed my screen name. You’re still replying to the same person, thank you so much for that.
This is my 3rd week. Friday I will be half way done. Last week I stopped crying and this week, so far, no headaches. I’m still waiting for an improved mood.
On my settings I have the box checked to receive an email when there are new comments posted on topics I’m following. Yet I don’t get any updates. Anyone else notice this?
SvenSven,
I read your post and am wondering if you’re done by now?
I just finished my second week. Much better than the first. My moods are up and down, but finally having more ups than downs. I was SO depressed when I started. It took all the strength I had to keep coming back that first week. I notice that I’m very tired after each session. I was surprised to learn that some people are not feeling better until after all the treatments are done. That’s encouraging to know. Being patient is so hard after being depressed for so long.
I appreciate Colleen, Martha and Dave for replying so often to so many posts. I too wish more people would join and share on here. I haven’t checked out the Facebook page. I would rather post here using a nickname than my real FB account. Not everyone understands depression, unfortunately.
I didn’t cry today!!! Tomorrow will be 2 weeks done. I made a chart to count down the days/weeks of progress. I have a half way point marked as well.
It’s a great feeling to check off another day and see the number of sessions decrease.
Thank you for all the inspiring replies. I want this to be over already. I really want to quit but don’t want to look back 6 weeks from now and think that I could be done if I just would have kept going. I changed the scheduled appointments to later in the day hoping I could keep my regular schedule. This way I can do a few things I might enjoy before the treatments that leave me so tired and with that annoying headache.
I’m not really having a problem with scalp pain. It’s the pulsing that’s totally painful. It feels like someone is pounding nails into my head. They were adjusting the piece that rests on my head hoping a different angle may relieve the pain. They said it could be hitting a nerve.
Then the headache afterwards stays with me. Tylenol before and after isn’t helping. This is just horrible. Not what I expected at all.
Kuku,
I’m wondering how you are doing? I see you posted in January. Are you done with your treatments? How are you feeling?
I just started March 28. Praying that this works for me. I’m out of options after this.
This is my second week. They kept telling me the 1st week is the hardest. I’m just not tolerating the pain very well. They’ve made adjustments but that 4 seconds of “light tapping” hurts A LOT!
Taking Tylenol beforehand doesn’t help either. I’m so tired after each session. But I’ve had fleeting moments of feeling my mood increase. I hope that’s a good sign.
