Profile for User: colleencasey

Hi lunarafire:
Are you having bilateral treatments? My experience with bilateral treatments was just the opposite. Anxiety is treated on the right side of the brain and depression on the left. When having bilateral treatments my anxiety diminishes about 90% and I rarely need anxiety medication. There is a vast improvement.
What does your doctor say about an increase in anxiety?

Mass: It is strange and common that others will notice changes in you before you do. Go figure – we are the last to know! I don’t understand it but that is the way it is.
Sleeping is a problem for so many. I connected with a person this morning who is struggling so very much. I found this article:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/sleep-disorders-and-sleeping-problems.htm
I don’t know if it will help.
Keep_Hoping have you looked into Vagus Nerve Stimulation. I know of a patient who has great success with that. I also talked with my TMS coordinator who again referred to the patient that had TMS and they thought it had not worked for him. He contacted them a couple of years later with a drastic change – it had worked over the course of several months after the treatment. I keep hoping for you.

Erin. I sent you an email. At first I included a period at the end of your email address. I corrected it and it should have been delivered to you. 😊

erinb:

Absolutely! I will email you tonight and we can exchange numbers. I am running to a meeting now that will be about 6 hours and then I have an hour travel. I will get back to you though very soon.
Thinking positive thoughts!

That is great news Mass. Here is too continued movement forward! Please keep us posted through your process. It is helpful and encouraging to others. It is hopeful to think of your potential future. It will be interesting to see how long you notice improvement and what it is. Thanks for being a part of and contributing to this forum. We will look forward to future updates!

Good Morning Keep_Hoping and WarriorWon:
Got up this morning and was thinking of both of you. How are you doing? I just wanted to let you know that your journeys are powerful and have an incredible impact. Sending good thoughts!

Good Morning WarriorWon and Keep_Hoping:
Life is more challenging than we certainly predict it might be, isn’t it? Sometimes I have to take a deep breath, well a lot of deep breaths, and tell myself I can handle an issue I am confronted with, even when I don’t think I can. It can be so difficult at times. I know I will never try suicide again, even though occasionally I have those thoughts. I know that when I die it will be because of the heartache I experience daily because of a family situation. If my mind is not preoccupied, I am thinking of the sorrow and sadness and feeling the pain of that situation. What I try to do is look for meaning in the journey of pain so I can keep going and growing. Sometimes I try to distract myself with meaningful activities so I can nourish myself in an effort to build strength. And I say this with the knowledge that I am not depressed and don’t face those trials at this moment. I think though, life is challenges and lessons with rays of sunshine in between.
I wish there was some way to relieve your challenges and the heartache and disappointment as well as the confusion in regard to the “whys” (why depression, why me, why rejection, why can’t I sleep, etc.) you experience. Unfortunately we do not have the power to do that for each other. But I do want to say this, if not this challenge, there would be another. Life is always teaching us through challenges (I think we could all use a few less sometimes!). I know what it takes for you to get up each day; its hard, damn hard. Know that to put one foot in front of the other is a major victory. Know that you are cared about and that your journey is respected and appreciated. And know that there is an endless supply of hope in this world – even though it does not feel it. It is inside of each of you, it is so deep that when you call upon it, it will be there. You exemplify that each day. Remember that the continuous and concentrated brain research that is going on all over the world will bring some additional answers soon. Maybe watch a funny movie today to distract you even for a moment. Sending caring thoughts.

WarriorWon and Keep_Hoping – What you are experiencing I guarantee is very predictable and I hesitate to use the word but for lack of a better one, NORMAL, ROUTINE, EXPECTED. First I hope this helps. Oh my goodness you bring back memories of the session I almost told my therapist to S________ it because he was looking at my improving scores and listening to the TMS Coordinator say I was improving, but I didn’t feel it. Oh I was angry, ticked off, even felt betrayed. All of this you are experiencing is the flow of energy which is positive. I am not trying to predict the outcome of your treatments, but the path you speak about has been traveled by thousands before you, which reflects hope, even though you don’t feel it. Not sure where you heard you would improve immediately, but just think for a moment. Your brains are waking up. They aren’t quite in sync yet. It takes time for your brain to activate and respond, neural connections are growing. It does takes time. You are battling the pains of the brain disorder (or brain disease or whatever verbiage is comfortable), which is unbearable. The degree of your depression and pain has to be matched with the degree of the treatment energy flow to the brain, time of growth, etc. If it takes 5 years to gain 100 lbs, and one starts a diet, it is not going to be an immediate fix to loose it. I am not going to say, be patient, because I wasn’t. But what might help is to understand the mechanics of the process in the brain so your expectations can be aligned with what is going on in the brain. Then you will not experience the degree of disappointment that comes with false expectations. Sending lots of good vibes and support your way! Thank you both for your kind words of support. It is much appreciated and helpful.

Keep_Hoping:
So glad that you are getting consistent and similar support in regard to how individual responses are to TMS, how eclectic our approaches need to be as there are so many variables when dealing with the challenges of depression as we all have spoken about, and the sunshine of hope in your message. I think Buddy addresses so many relative issues and points about depression that we can relate to. There is a fear factor involved for some of us when we do start to improve, which questions whether or not these improvements are substantial or even real. Buddy could not have said it more accurately as he addresses the patterning and cycling of thoughts and the intervention that is helpful. I was a TMS Coordinator after my treatments for a while and the patients I saw validated Buddy’s point about individual differentials and individual pathways in response not only to this treatment, but the overall approach to our brain disorders that we need to take. Attitude and persistence in managing our illness, with an open mind and a firm knowledge that this challenge indeed is a tough one can be helpful. We can either put one foot in front of the other (even when it feels impossible) or we can sit down (when the pull is so strong we don’t think we can stand up). Buddy’s partnering with someone who is a willing support system is striking and sounds positively powerful! I have a therapist who provides insight, knowledge and support for innovative and unique pathways to growth and I find it coordinates with his description. Our course in life is to deal with this illness. There are resources, people, supports, tools and information that can support our journey. The one thing I do think that is critical is being cognizant of what is in our lives that we can be grateful for. I read an article the other day about a scientific study that reports, if you list 3 things you are grateful for and write 2 mins on the happiest thing that you experienced each day, it can elevate your mood markedly. When you add new efforts to the management of your depression, it keeps you in a forward motion. Love Buddy’s reference to the difference between I am and I feel. Working with this concept has been pivotal to my growth. And if it makes even the smallest of differences, its an improvement. Do something good for yourself for all the energy and efforts your are putting into dealing with this challenge!

erinb:
Thank you for your supportive message. It means a great deal to me. I feel so grateful that TMS has worked for me. I want it to work for everyone. I think supporting others going through TMS is an important part of giving back.
Wow you have a lot on your plate. It is difficult to decipher what issues and responses belong to what stimulus during TMS. It is complicated and confusing. You seem to be handling this with determination and persistence. You are to be admired for sure. Please don’t doubt that for a moment.
My heart hurts when I hear you describe the experience with your children. My biggest heart ache through life has been what my children have suffered as a result of my depression. However, we must remember that life gives us all challenges along the way, most often starting in childhood. You are doing the best you can under these difficult circumstances and you deserve respect for all you are doing to manage these with all of your other responsibilities.
In terms of the Adderall – my insurance stopped paying for slow-acting Adderall, which I was on. Consequently I had to go on fast acting and I had an adverse reaction to it. I went off it immediately – with no tapering so yes I did have a difficult time for a short time. Then I had TMS bilateral treatments and it quickly resulted in the remission of my ADHD. You are receiving bilateral treatments now so you may not need Adderall after TMS ends.
erinb what you are going through can be terrifying. However, once the treatments are over and your brain and body settle down from the intense stimulus, things will work themselves out and clarity will come. One piece of advice, from one who did the same thing, stop reading information because whatever your response is going to be will be. I am a research bug and had to step away from reading everything I could get my hands on because I was driving myself crazy. Your experience may not be as bad as others. You are tapering under your doctor’s care. That is important. Things will settle for sure. This is a difficult time no doubt. Persist as you have been doing. You will be done with treatments soon and shortly the doctors and you will be able to assess the outcome. (I hate the unknown too!) Do what you are doing. It is a good path. Sending lots of understanding, compassion and hugs.

Keep_Hoping – Those feelings of guilt and unworthiness are so difficult aren’t they? And when your heart is saying “I want to do this but your body and the lethargy won’t let you,” it is discouraging and heart wrenching. I am sending compassion for your struggle. We don’t know all of the medical details and inner workings of our brain in response to TMS treatments, but I just had an unusual experience (for me) with TMS that may help give some hope to keep fighting through your treatments and tapers. I never experienced the upswing or lift from depression during my initial treatments 5 years ago until after treatments were over. Since then, every year in late spring I need three booster treatments and it (in my language) pops me back to my new normal of not being depressed. However this year I needed my treatments in March because of a reaction to anesthesia. Anesthesia is a depressant and it had that affect on me. I went for my three booster treatments which usually “pops” me back before I am out of the chair after the first treatment. But this year, it took over two weeks to pop me back. I was terrified that TMS stopped working for me and went on that mental journey. It was horrible, but throughout, my doctor maintained his belief that I just needed time. And he was right. There are so many variables that play apart in this journey through TMS that we must stay connected with our doctors and treatment teams so they can keep us grounded when we struggle. Sometimes there are no words to describe the challenge, pain and discouragement. It can be all-consuming. You are so close to the end of treatment, don’t give up now. If you do, you will never know if you are one of those patients that don’t see a positive outcome until after treatment ends. And you deserve that chance.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 7 months ago by  colleencasey.

Keep_Hoping: rebtar has some wise words about not experiencing improvement until after treatment ends. And an eclectic approach to dealing with depression is spot on! I also did not experience improvement till after treatment ended even though my TMS Coordinator did and verbalized that to my doctor. I got so angry saying to my doctor, “I don’t notice any change. Why don’t you believe me!, instead of the Coordinator. The depression is in my body!” Whoaaa, I was not happy. So yes, it can and does happen that others may see the changes first. There is no doubt that this medical treatment is a challenge and most often to the depths that we never could have anticipated. You are doing the right thing by talking with your doctor, continuing treatment and reaching out to this site and possibly others. Keep doing what you are doing. The unknown outcome can be tough to deal with. It may not feel it but your efforts are definitely on the right road. Keep connected. Your journey is important not only to you but to others as they may have the same struggles and will gain strength from your posts. I know I have. Sending positive thoughts!

Buddy:
You have provided needed support and information. Thanks for sharing. Keep us posted on how you progress through your treatments. This is very helpful. Sending positive thoughts for a continued positive response.
Colleen

Keep_Hoping:
I sent a message to one of the persons who developed this site to see if he could address the issue of you not getting notifications of responses to your posts. I am sure you will hear from him as he is very attentive to this site.
It is still early to tell about a response to the treatment; although I am sure it is not easy to hear this when we are anxious about the outcome. Six weeks is a long stretch, but keeping as much hope as possible in your front and back pockets can be helpful. Your brain needs time. You are 1//2 way. Medical treatments don’t necessarily affect our illnesses immediately. Our bodies are amazing – they have their own system and time clock for attacking illnesses when treatments are administered. Improvements can be slow, steady and minimally detectable at first. You’ve got this! 🙂
Colleen

Keep_Hoping;
What encouraging news. Hope is what this journey is about!.
Some brains take more time to respond to the jump start that TMS provides. It is good to hear you report your improved experience from Week 1 to Week 2. That is encouraging for you (I assume) and it will be helpful to others who visit this site. You are so right as we all have experienced, not everyone understands depression. It is one of the invisible illness that we still need to do a great deal of public education about. Your contribution is appreciated. Please let us know about your treatment and response as you continue. Your nickname is a great mantra!
Have a nice weekend.
Colleen

chrisxxcross:
I did the same thing – changed my schedule so I could work early and then go for treatments later because I experienced the tiredness that you describe. “I really want to quit but don’t want to look back 6 weeks from now and think that I could be done if I just would have kept going.” Hold on to your quote because six weeks of a medical procedure that could be life altering is an opportunity for an improved life. As much as it may not feel it, you have the fundamental thinking that will get you through. You are stronger than you probably realize! This is a good mantra, “I am stronger than I realize.” Tomorrow you will have two weeks behind you.
Colleen

chrisxxcross:
Thanks for reaching out. I am sending support and hope to you. TMS is a medical procedure with its challenges no doubt. It sometimes can seem like a mental roller coaster ride. The discomfort most often eases as you proceed through treatments. If not, there are things that your doctor might be able to tweak in treatment or suggest that may make the experience more tolerable. Staying connected and communicating often with your treatment team is an essential part of the process. It is important that these issues are discussed in order to help you maintain a hopeful perspective. I had TMS over 5 years ago and did not experience a positive outcome until after treatment ended. (I did get discouraged). The result of treatment is evident at different times for different patients. The end result however was more positive than I could have imagined. Hang in there!
There is an event called the dip that many but not all patients experience during the course of treatment, which is a temporary increase in depression and/or anxiety. It is temporary and well worth tolerating as the outcome of TMS can be life changing. I tell you this because it can be frightening if you are not aware that it is one of those uncomfortable, but temporary events that you may experience. Stay connected with your support system; they can be very helpful in supporting you through it if it does occur.
Fear is a very common feeling that most patients experience when undergoing TMS. The unknown results can cause anxiety and uncomfortable fear. Again this is part of the process.
If you can keep some laughter in your day, maybe watching a funny movie or visiting with a friend who has a great sense of humor, it can be helpful and support the work that TMS is doing in your brain.
Let us know how you are doing and visit this site as often as you need to for encouragement.
Colleen

SvenSven:
Your perspective and attitude is admirable. What an inspiration. Thanks for sharing. I just had a medical procedure which required anesthesia. I experienced a depressive episode after, as anesthesia is a depressant, resulting in 3 booster treatments. It took 16 days for the treatments to be effective, during which time I experienced a dip. It was the first time with booster treatments that happened. It reminded me that depression is a chronic illness that needs attention on a continuum. I am pulling for you!
Colleen

Hi kuku:
Just saw your post. The dip as far as I have experienced, talked with others or read about is temporary. That is the positive in what can feel like a worse than the original depression experience. Knowledge is helpful in knowing that temporary is the operative word here. It can provide the hope and patience we need to endure the darkness of the dip. By the time you read this, I am sure it will have passed as it seems like a short term occurrence.
I hope this message gets to you and I apologize for a late response.
How are you doing now?
Colleen

Bobby: Thanks for the update. Good news indeed. Sending positive thoughts for continued progress!
Keep in touch. Colleen

You are on point bobbypec. The initial outcome after treatment was not the end result of treatment for me. I continued to improve for nine months. Very interesting that the brain is still working on developing improved efficiency long after treatment ends. Patience sometimes is in short supply when feelings are so dark, but when the darkness lifts, life is different, very different. As others’ stories indicate, there is reason for hope.
Improvement may be just a breathe away for you. Sending good wishes for an effective outcome.
Colleen

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by  colleencasey.

Amazing TMS Story of Success – This brings hope and encouragement.

Colleen

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by  colleencasey.

Hi Rebecca:
I always remind myself I am not a doctor when I address such issues as re-calibration and that I speak from patient experience only. I did have a re-calibration after two weeks of treatment and yes there was a change in intensity and placement of the coils. The reasons however for consideration for you may be very different than the reasons I had the re-calibration. TMS, although has similarities among all patients, also has individual variables under consideration when doctors are making treatment decisions.
The issue I would be looking at first is how experienced (how many years administering TMS does your doctor have, how many patients has she/he administered TMS to, (if its only a few do they outsource for guidance and information), are you confident in her/his presentation of information and reasoning for the decisions she/he is making for your treatment and is she/he open to discussing your view point and sharing information that supports the decision(s) being made?
The next point is not so clear. I would say it is a matter of weighing what your gut is directing you to do with an understanding that there are unknowns about treatment outcomes up until and even after treatment ends. It is scary no doubt (and for me it was a mind roller coaster ride until after treatment ended), not to see results that you may have predefined; but each of us has different brain chemistry so outcomes, response time frames, just do not have definitives. I will say that I stayed very connected to my doctor and treatment team, asked as many questions as I needed to and eventually put trust in my doctor’s belief as I had very little of my own throughout treatment.
I am obsessed with research, but at one point I had to accept I just didn’t know what was going to happen nor did I really have any more than a basic understanding of TMS partially because of my depression. Our depression many times guides our emotional decisions at the forefront and leaves the intellectual component kind of lingering behind. Your doctor has the scientific data that guides her/his decisions, in addition to the resources made available to the doctors administering this new treatment.
It can be a confusing process at times but my guess is most medical procedures have some form of the unknown and/or confusion along the pathway.
Hope this helps. Thanks for staying connected to get the support you need. It can make a difference. Keep us updated.
Happy New Year Rebecca!
Colleen

Rebecca:
It is so good to hear that your mood has lifted some. I am not familiar at all with the set up of the MagVenture machine or technology. Are you receiving bilateral treatments by any chance? I know with Neurostar, I have treatment on the left side of my brain for depression and on the right side for anxiety and adhd (right side treatment is off label so far). Anxiety is being treated on the right side of the brain with a great deal (not perfect) of success. It might be worth asking about if your TMS treatments are not addressing this.
You seem quite persistent! I think, as you are a perfect example, depression is a disease that needs a multifaceted, eclectic approach – professional treatment, exercise, determination, good nutrition, supports systems in place, etc. Keep doing what you are doing – hitting it head on. As always, stay connected to your professional team of doctors, TMS coordinator, etc. You deserve much respect and admiration for the journey you have chosen in confronting this challenge.
Research on brain functioning is at an all time high so hope is on the horizon for so many more who suffer.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers! Thanks for your kind thoughts and wishes.
Colleen

mousehousevacs:

Now to address TMS as a treatment option. TMS is a treatment that is FDA approved to treat Major Depressive Disorder. (MDD) (so there is a chance of insurance coverage depending on individual policies). My psychiatrist stated that the scientific evidence finds that TMS works slightly better than medication. Each patient is evaluated by an M.D. for treatment consideration. There is no definitive to determine whether it will work for any one individual; there is risk involved that it may not just like medication. TMS can be offered for other conditions besides MDD without FDA approval (off label and no insurance coverage). (It was effective for my ADHD to the point where I no longer need meds). There is mounting information on the internet about TMS, patient testimonials, scientific data, treatment explanations, etc.
Self education is important so that the most informed decision can be made. Keep hope in your heart. Brain research and understanding human behavior is a research priority right now. That is good news.

Colleen