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This is encouraging for me to read as well! I too am a mom trying to get this done and raise kids at the same time–through the now several dips I’ve encountered, staggering lows–and it has been so crazy. I’m adding on my six that I was saving for boosters, as I am just now finally starting to feel like maybe this is working a tiny bit. So today was #32.
Colleen, not sure how to get this to you exactly, or to start a new thread, but my email is erburdette40@me.com. Please contact me when you can! Thanks, ErinColeen,
I wrote awhile back and you responded with such generosity. I find your responses and your story one of the only things tangible that give me hope at this point: treatment 32; I am doing the full 36 in hopes that maybe I will see a change. I am experiencing so much and wonder if there is a way you would be willing to talk by phone or at least by email? You can reach me at erburdette40@me.com. I just k is it would help to speak directly to someone who has been there. Let me know. ErinbHiColeen,
Let me first thank you from the heart for your kind, well thought out and insightful posts. So helpful and hopeful both. I am having bilateral treatments, since anxiety is definitely a part of depression for me, so that’s good, too. I stopped taking Cymbalta in January because it just wasn’t working and seemed only to provide side effects–but I realize now that while it didn’t alleviate depression, it did put a bit of a floor underneath it so that I wouldn’t fall totally down the rabbit hole. Then I decided to try TMS, and while I’ve still been taking Adderall and a bit of Klonopin (1 mg) for sleep, I haven’t had an antidepressant since about a month before treatment began. With the heart complications I mentioned above and no antidepressant, I definitely feel WORSE than when I started. Monday will be the beginning of my fourth week. I am terrified of what my heart monitor results will be, which I will find out on Thursday–I have been having terrible anxiety and chest pain/palpitations, and while I know in my head that this is probably because I am so stressed out, it is really hard to hold on here. I do have a high number of documented PVCs that scare the crap out of me in addition to the depression I am already feeling. That unknown adds a whole new layer of fear. But I have two young children and a writing career and life I want so desperately to get back to: I heard my children laughing earlier today in the backyard and it just broke my heart. I cannot express how deeply I want to be able to dive into that with them the way I used to, to enjoy their childhoods, to love being the mom to these wonderful little people, and I feel like I’m running out of options. All of this coupled with the reality that I will have to stop the Adderall (I’m tapering down now) is really devastating: that was not any part of what I thought I would be dealing with now. I’m tapered down to 15mg and will drop again this week. Was it hard for you to stop taking it after taking it for so long? I never abused it and took it as prescribed, but I keep reading about these horrible withdrawal stories! Sigh. So many unknowns. I just want to get this depression under control: it’s hard to know what is “the dip,” what is withdrawal, and what is just life. But on the upside, I have been great with my diet and with exercise and supplements. Sleep is another story!:) I am also incredibly grateful for this forum. What a relief to have a place to talk with people who understand. Thanks all.
Coleen is spot on!!@!
Tomorrow morning will be my day 14. I have definitely encountered the dip (as we call it apparently in TMS lingo:) but what I have been inundated with is horrible anxiety in addition to the depression. I told my husband today I feel worse than I did when I started! Unfortunately, I got some jarring news from my cardiologist on day 1 (horrible timing, absurd even) about the fact that I am having a LOT of PVCs and have to stop taking Adderall, the only drug that has significantly helped me with ADD and to lesser extent depression. I am terrified of how I will get through my day/work/kids/life without it. I also have to wear a heart monitor for 24-48 hours tomorrow and am just panicked about it: that I will get more bad news when I’m trying to give TMS a chance to work. I feel like this other issue is somehow “ruining” the TMS, although I realize how silly that sounds when I write it out. Has anyone else had bad anxiety show up and still had TMS work ultimately? I wish this I’m sure largely stress related heart issue had not shown up to complicate things. But life doesn’t stop for us, does it?!
